


One Massive Cover-up

by maddiebug



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrichat, Background Ladynoir, Bee Chloé Bourgeois | Queen Bee, Caranino, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dragon Kagami Tsurugi | Ryuko, F/F, Fanfic, Fox Alya Césaire | Rena Rouge, Good Chloé Bourgeois, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Horse Max Kanté | Pegasus, IDENTITY SHENANIGANS, Identity Reveal, Maribug, Miraculous Team, Monkey Lê Chiến Kim | Roi Singe, Not In Chronological Order, Plagg is a Little Shit, Ridiculous, Snake Luka Couffaine | Viperion, Turtle Nino Lahiffe | Carapace, Utterly Ridiculous, cover-up, cover-ups, plagg is Camembert666, plagg is a gremlin, plagg is blackmailing all of team miraculous for cheese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26467471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiebug/pseuds/maddiebug
Summary: When Ladybug gifted Alya Césaire the Fox miraculous, she made her promise to keep her identity a secret.People start speculating on the Ladyblog, about how Alya doesn't record Rena's fights, and one thing leads to another and before she knows it, there are multiple threads on her website about why she is Rena Rouge.Alya can't delete all the comments, that would be suspicious.So she does the one thing that no self-respecting superhero would ever do:She writes fanfic about herself.(Aka: in which Plagg decides that the best way to get more cheese is blackmail, and Adrien is oblivious)
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe, Alya Césaire/Rena Rouge - Relationship
Comments: 267
Kudos: 300





	1. Renalya

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Renalya post](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/684022) by Captorations on Tumblr. 



> I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about Adrichat at least once a week. Like what was that. Were we all insane because of covid?? Why just why?
> 
> Anyways, I keep seeing this post and I'm like true. So true so I had to write it. 
> 
> Back on my miraculous bullshit

It starts off as a harmless comment under one of her more recent posts.

_What if Alya Cesaire was Rena Rouge?_

It's not very convincing, and most likely a joke. The readers of the Ladyblog have tried to guess the identity of every hero, unsuccessfully.

Once, there was a long, complicated thread about how Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir and his father Gabriel Agreste was Hawkmoth, and all he wanted was to bring his wife back, and he really wasn't a bad guy, but that was disproved by the Collector and Gorzilla. 

People would theorize anything. 

Alya ignored the comment, knowing it would soon be forgotten.

It wasn't.

The next day, the comment had hundreds of replies. 

They ranged from believable shock, to actual facts and data.

_Wait, this seems so likely._

_@Ladyblog anything you want to share? ;)_

_You know, she hasn't been posting as frequently._

_the butts match_

_Alya never posts theories on who Rena Rouge is. I bet it because she already knows._

It was a little nerve-wracking, to say the least. If Hawkmoth saw these comments, she could be done for. 

Although, these were the same people that tried to tell Alya her best friend Marinette was Ladybug, which couldn't be right, Marinette just had a big crush on Ladybug and ran away from Akumas out of awkwardness. Clearly.

They would believe anything.

So Alya tried to ease the chaos with a comment of her own.

_On the speculation of whether I am Rena Rouge or not, I have to say no comment. I've been posting less because I'm busy with school, and haven't had time to get good footage and edit it._

She read over her statement, checking for any errors. It seemed fairly straightforward and to the point.

Within minutes, replies flooded her inbox.

_that sounds like something Rena Rouge would say_

_You know, I bet Rena Rouge is busy with school too_

Alya did not like the situation this was heading in. On the internet it was so easy to change things and post lies. Soon, her identity would be out to the whole world. 

She even got a text from Marinette, asking, "u ok?" With a screenshot of the ladyblog.

Great, even her best friend thought she was a superhero, which like she was, but it didn't need to be broadcast to the world. 

She sent back, "I'm good, just people being trolls."

Marinette sent back, "well, you're my hero :) " which made Alya blush.

Marinette was sweet. She had dealt with the Ladybug comments in such a calm and graceful manner. Maybe she would have some good advice-

Alya blinked, realizing the perfect solution.

When Adrien Agreste had been accused of being Chat Noir, he responded by posting about how hot Chat Noir was, and how much he _wished_ he could be Chat Noir. 

It led to a lot of shipping, and some fanfiction (which Alya was 99% sure was written by Adrien himself). People thought Adrien and Chat would make an amazing couple.

After that, no one accused Adrien of being Chat Noir. It was a strategic response, that Adrien probably hadn't even considered. He had actually just thought that Chat Noir was hotter than him, which like, they could both be models. They were equally gorgeous. 

For Alya, it would be the perfect cover-up. Not posting about how she was in love with Chat Noir, but about how she liked Rena Rouge. 

It was a little risky, considering that Alya did not hide her crush on Ladybug, but she could be attracted to more than one hero, and Rena was objectively attractive. Alya knew she looked good in that suit.

Alya typed out a comment. The perfect comment.

_I wish I was Rena Rouge. She's gorgeous._

Then she hit send and went to school.

She had no idea the sheer level of chaos she had just spawned.

Before she checked her phone again, at lunch, Renalya was trending.

Trending. 

And people were still saying that she was Rena Rouge

_Alya you're pretty shut up_

_You literally could be Rena_

_We stan a gorgeous queen_

Alya had to silence the truth. She replied to the comments with something obvious.

_Guys, Rena Rouge doesn't wear glasses_

it only fanned the flames. Instantly sparking hundreds of replies.

_Clark Kent wears glasses_

_Its so easy to get fake glasses_

_Have you guys considered contacts?_

_The most compelling argument is the hair_ difference

Finally, that was something to latch onto. Rena Rouge and Alya had different hair. Clearly they couldn't be the same person.

_Rena Rouge and Alya have never been in the same place at the same time_

_Why have you never interviewed Rena?_

Alya sighed. She didn't have a good reason, other than the fact that she was Rena and it would be so complicated to fake an interview with herself.

She posted a simple reply: _Its personal_

the internet responded: _you are Rena Rouge_

Alya had had enough. They were too close to the truth. Clearly, she had to come up with a reasonable excuse, one that would validate avoiding Rena Rouge at all costs.

It wasn't like she knew anyone that avoided anyone else for any reason.

Except-

Without hesitation, Alya posted a public tweet.

_I'm literally in love with Rena Rouge stop teasing me._

Surely that would be enough to silence the masses.

It was not.

One hour later, Renalya was still trending, but for a different reason. 

People loved the idea of Alya and Rena Rouge. They told her she'd be perfect for the superhero. 

Nino was... a little less than enthusiastic about the whole thing. 

She received spam posts on the Ladyblog of fan fiction about her and Rena Rouge. 

Alya read through some of it, and it wasn't bad. 

Too keep up the charade, she swallowed her dignity and wrote fan fiction about herself. With herself. It seemed like the obvious solution. No self-respecting superhero would write fanfiction about themselves. 

She posted it anonymously, but it had too many facts about her own life. No one knew that it was her that wrote it of course.

And then there was the intervention. 

Marinette, Adrien and Nino sat in a circle around her in the library.

"Alya, you need to stop." Marinette started. 

"Stop what?" She replied innocently, closing the Ao3 draft she had been editing.

"Stop acting like you're in love with Rena Rouge."

"But I am in love with Rena Rouge."

Nino stared at her. "I thought you loved me?"

"I can love two people."

"Yes, but not-" Nino sighed. He knew that she was Rena Rouge, but he couldn't say it out loud. Not in front of their friends. "I'm sure Rena Rouge doesn't like the attention. It creates weird media."

"Nino, know Rena doesn't care about the media."

"Its weird." Marinette frowned. "I would never write fan fiction about myself."

Adrien stayed oddly silent.

Marinette continued, "and Ladybug doesn't want anyone to speculate on the identity of the heroes."

"I never speculated the identity of the heroes. I'm just having fun."

"Its weird, Alya."

Marinette closed her eyes. "You named Rena's civilian identity Ralya Resaire. Even if you were trying to hide your identity, that's not a good way to do it. If I didn't already know, I would've guessed immediately."

"Yeah, it's too obvious, babe."

"Its a joke. Relax."

"It was a joke 30 thousand words ago. Maybe." Nino frowned. "Now its an obsession."

"This is an intervention." Marinette sighed. "We are asking you to stop. For your sanity, and ours."

Adrien finally contributed to the conversation. "Keep it up, it's exactly what I would've done in that situation."

Marinette rolled her eyes. "And how well did that go for you?"

"Very well, thanks."

"See, Adrien is on my side. Its not weird."

Adrien chuckled. "Its definitely weird."

Nino changed the subject. "I can't proofread this for you Alya, I'm sorry babe."

"You've told me that." Alya shrugged. "Its fine, I have a new beta reader."

Marinette spoke up. "I'm also quitting."

Alya gasped. "How could you do this to me?"

"Alya you're my best friend. I don't want to read about you making out with yourself." 

"It's literature."

"It's weird."

"Its a work of art."

"Alya I can't do this." Marinette sighed. "I don't know what it is about superheroes giving me fanfic about themselves to try to hide their identities, but it doesn't work. Its a terrible plan."

Alya frowned. "Has this happened before?"

"Yes."

"Who-"

Adrien sputtered. "It was one time, Marinette. Let it go."

"Alya," Marinette opened her phone to a notes page, "this is the sixth time this has happened to me."

"Sixth?"

"Actually, it's the ninth. I read that wrong."

"I thought I was special." Adrien shook his head.

"You are." Marinette kissed him on the cheek.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but so is Alya, and Chloe, and Nino-" 

Alya gave Nino a look. "Hypocrite."

He raised his arms. "In my defense, it seemed like the only option. She asked me if I was Carapace. And it was only a one shot."

"So?"

"You've written 100k on your slowburn enemies to lovers fic, and it's halfway done. There's a difference."

"Its literally the same thing, Nino."

Marinette was still naming superheroes. "-and Ryuuko, King Monkey, Volpina (which was a whole different level of weird), and Bunnyx but she laughed about the whole thing so I think it was some sort of future inside joke," After a pause she added, "and Viperion."

They all stared in shock.

Adrien was the first to recover. "Have you read fan fiction about all of your friends?"

"Only the ones that have asked me to read it."

"Do you know everyone's identities?"

"That's classified. And not Hawkmoth or Mayura."

Alya shook her head. "You scare me, Marinette."

"Good."

"You have so much knowledge..."

Marinette shook her head. "I have not once wrote fanfiction about myself, and its going to stay that way."

"Yeah, but you don't have a superhero identity to write about." Alya pointed out. "

Adrien and Marinette exchanged a look.

"You wanna bet?"

Alya in fact, did not want to bet.

That night, a new superhero, Multimouse, appeared.

The timing was too coincidental. 

And the fanfic posted the next morning about Marinette and Multimouse was a little too detailed to be completely fiction, if you know what I mean. 

Which only proved Marinette's point, it was a terrible way to keep a secret identity.


	2. Maribug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic is not in chronological order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha so remember when this was supposed to be a one-shot, like an hour ago? Yeah no I've written more

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was supposed to be lucky. She was Ladybug, for heaven's sake.

Her identity was supposed to be hidden by the magic of the miraculous. No one would know that Marinette was Ladybug without actually seeing her transform, but that didn't stop people from making jokes.

Adrien called her his Everyday Ladybug, which was cute and sweet, and made Marinette's heart flutter, but nearly every time he called her that, her heart would skip a beat, and she'd think that her identity was discovered. 

It was extremely nerve-wracking, to say the least. 

And then Marinette helped Alya with a Ladyblog stream. Of course, everyone who watched wanted to know who she was, and many of them noticed a striking resemblance between Marinette and Ladybug.

Like a lot of them. A concerning amount.

Perhaps the magic of the miraculous didn't extend to the internet. 

Random people sent her messages, accusing her of being Ladybug. Marinette had to make her social media accounts private, and issued a statement about how her privacy was being invaded. 

That didn't help.

People only became more convinced that Marinette was Ladybug. She was, of course, but they weren't supposed to know that. 

If Marinette told the internet, she was basically guaranteeing that Hawkmoth knew her identity, and that was not something she could real with. It was bad enough that Hawkmoth targeted her class, she didn't need to be targeted specifically. 

She couldn't risk getting akumatized. 

Luckily, none if her classmates seemed to see it. 

After reading one conspiracy thread, Chloe laughed, "of course Ladybug isn't Dupain-Cheng, she's not cool enough."

It was rude, but Marinette could work with it. "Haha, right, I'm totAlly not cool enough to be Ladybug."

"Marinette!" Adrien gasped. "You're so cool!"

"Yeah girl, I know you could be Ladybug if you wanted." Alya had added. "You're always juggling a million things, and you always disappear during Akuma attacks."

Marinette shrugged. She didn't have anything else to say. 

Chloe, ever the obnoxious one, merely scoffed. "Marinette isn't nearly as pretty as Ladybug."

Marinette had never been more glad to hear such a backhanded compliment. "Yeah, Ladybug is pretty."

Adrien sighed. "She's so pretty."

Alya stared for a moment, before smiling. "You think that Ladybug is pretty?"

Marinette looked around. "Yeah, doesn't everyone?"

Various classmates who hadn't been a part of the conversation chimed in. 

"Yeah."

"Yep."

"I think we all do."

"Oh totally."

"I'm into dudes but yeah."

"She's the only person I've ever loved." The entire class stared at Adrien. "What?"

Marinette was not going to admit the ego boost she got from all her classmates agreeing that she was pretty. 

Alya whispered. "Does this mean you're getting over you know who?"

"No. I don't think so." An image of Chat Noir flashed through Marinette's brain. "Maybe?"

Adrien seemed way too invested in the conversation. "Hey, maybe I could talk to Ladybug for you."

Marinette raised an eyebrow. "You could?" She, of course, knew that he was occasionally Aspik, but she wasn't supposed to know that.

"Yeah, probably." Adrien scratched the back of his neck, like he was nervous. "She always seems to save me from akumas."

"Maybe Ladybug has a crush on you."

Adrien looked down. "No. I don't think anyone has a crush on me."

That was sad, and incredibly disheartening. Marinette took a deep breath. "I have a crush on you, Adrien."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Its kind of obvious."

"I'm kind of in love with Ladybug."

"Oh thank god same." Marinette breathed a sigh of relief. "Adrien, I love you but I don't think I'm ready to commit."

Alya looked between them. "I don't know what kind of love-triangle nonsense is going on here, but I thought we were talking about Marinette's feelings for Ladybug."

"Ladybug is pretty. I thought we established that." Marinette's entire face was red.

"You know girl," Alya winked, "I can put a good word in for you on the Ladyblog."

Marinette's face was red. She weighed her options. "Yeah... do that."

"Wait-"

"I'm waiting."

"I have a better idea." Alya smiled. "I can interview you."

"How will that help?" Marinette frowned. "It'll bring more attention to me. You know I don't like attention."

"This will all brush over in about a week." Alya shrugged. "It'll be fun. We can dispel the Ladybug rumors and you can tell her you have a crush, all at once."

"Okay.." Marinette agreed. At the time, it seemed like her best option.

The interview went smoothly. Marinette specifically styled her hair differently so she didn't look like Ladybug.

Alya was nice about it, and even though she teased Marinette, it was clear that she didn't think Marinette was Ladybug. 

The only downside was that #Maribug was trending on twitter, and as Ladybug, multiple people, including Chat Noir approached her and tried to get her to go on a blind date with herself.

Ladybug had to issue a public statement that she couldn't date civilians until Hawkmoth was defeated, even if Marinette was cute.

(So it probably was her fault that #Maribug was trending for a whole week). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Adrichat and then back to Alya. I think. Unless we take a brief detour at queen B
> 
> Carapace??? 
> 
> Let me know if this is confusing, I can split it up into multiple works in a series?


	3. Adrichat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Adrien tries his best to convince everyone that Adrichat is real, but a certain Ladybug sees right through him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is literal crack. I don't know what to tell you.

The first time it had been suggested that Adrien Agreste could be Chat Noir, he almost started crying.

He had been a superhero for months, and it still was nerve wracking whenever anyone made a joke that he was Chat Noir. 

Really, it made sense. Adrien and Chat were both blonde, with green eyes. They were popular Parisian teens.

It didn't help that Chat Noir had been photographed in front of multiple posters of Adrien Agreste, they were everywhere around Paris. Someone was bound to notice the similarities.

Even magic couldn't hide his identify forever. 

Once, Alya had shown the class a picture of Adrien with a Chat Noir mask on. She insisted that it was identical to Chat Noir. 

Adrien had no comment. 

Most of the class agreed. 

Marinette, however just laughed. Maybe the miraculous magic was especially strong on her. 

She said that they were nothing alike, which stung for some reason, but also helped hide Adrien's identity.

He couldn't break the first rule of being a superhero. 

No one was allowed to know his identity. Not even his partner.

The stress increased when there was a (very convincing) comment thread on the Ladyblog by user Camembert666 about how Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir and Gabriel Agreste was Hawkmoth.

The speculated that Gabriel Agreste was trying to bring his wife back from the dead, and Adrien had no idea.

It made Adrien laughs because the whole thing was ridiculous. He wasn't the most aware, but he wasn't oblivious. 

Luckily, that was disproven when his father was akumatized into the Collector. 

A wave of relief had washed over Adrien. He hadn't wanted to believe that his father could do something like that.

Most of the theories stopped after Gorzilla, when Adrien convinced Wayhem to take his place. 

Chat Noir and Adrien couldn't be in the same place at the same time and be the same person. It was genius...

Or, it was, until Wayhem posted a photo with Adrien's helmet. 

Immediately the internet created an entirely updated argument about why Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir. 

Fans immediately flocked to the idea, asking him if he was Chat Noir. 

At first, Adrien declined to comment. 

Usually, internet drama died down fast.

After a few days, it was still trending, and he had to do something, so he asked the smartest person he knew for advice.

After they finished patrol, but before she started to leave, Adrien made his move. "Hey, Ladybug can I ask you for advice?" 

She laughed. "I mean, you can, but I'm not sure I can help."

"Okay, so, don't think about this too much-"

"Okay?" She looked confused.

"But, has anyone ever discovered your identity?"

Ladybug closed her eyes, like she was thinking. "What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Chat-"

"I didn't do anything. People are just joking about how I could be me."

"Oh." Her shoulders visibly relaxed. "A similar thing happened to me."

"Really? That's great."

"It was incredibly stressful."

"How did you deal with it? I know that sometimes addressing rumours makes them grow, but-"

"Oh you don't want to do what I did. Its embarrassing."

He raised an eyebrow. Then he realized that she probably couldn't see his eyebrow move under the mask. "Well, now I'm intrigued."

"I said that I wasn't as cool as Ladybug, and somehow convinced all of my friends that I had a crush on Ladybug."

"That's funny."

She shrugged. "It was weirdly effective. Now, whenever I panic while talking about Ladybug, they just assume its anxiety from having a crush."

"That's really convenient, thanks."

"Yeah. Like I said, I'm not sure it will work in your situation."

"No, I think it will. Great advice Ladybug."

She sighed. "You don't need the ego boost."

"I'm just going to tell Everyone that I'm in love with myself. It's the perfect cover."

"Just don't do anything dumb."

"Ladybug, I'm always doing something dumb."

As soon as Adrien got home, he posted something on his Twitter. His public Twitter, for all of his thousands of followers to see.

After a brief photo search on the Ladyblog, Adrien found a photo of himself that was good enough, and tweeted.

_Adrien: I wish I was as hot as Chat Noir_

To make it more believable, after a few minutes, he signed into his Chat Noir account and replied to the tweet.

_Chat: @AdrienAgreste I wish I was as hot as you ;)_

The winky face totally seemed like more of a Chat Noir response. 

He couldn't leave his fans waiting, and responded to himself instantly.

_Adrien: @ChatNoir literally date me_

_Chat: @AdrienAgreste when are you free?_

_Adrien: @ChatNoir does Friday at 7 work?_

_Chat: @AdrienAgreste sounds purrfect ;)_

Adrien didn't actually intend on going on a date with himself, but it was the perfect cover.

No one would suspect a thing.

He went to sleep, and had a weird dream where he made out with Chat Noir, but he was Chat Noir and they both were purring.

It all went downhill at breakfast the next morning. 

Gabriel Agreste confronted him, practically throwing his phone as my Adrien. "Are you serious?"

"No, I'm Adrien." 

Gabriel sighed. Loudly. "I can't have you dilly-dallying around Paris with some hooligan in a leather suit."

"First of all, he's a superhero and second I'm pretty sure it's magic fabric."

"I still won't allow it. You cannot tarnish the Agreste name."

Adrien was ready to date himself out of spite. He was feeling the teenage rebellion. "Maybe I don't care about the Agreste name. Its 2020, no one cares if I'm gay."

"Oh, Adrien, I'm sorry." Gabriel frowned. "I don't care if you like boys."

"You don't?"

"No. I actually think we could increase sales by appealing to a different audience-"

"Dad."

"Right right. Like I was saying, I don't care if you like boys. I just don't want you dating Chat Noir."

"Why? Chat is so cool-"

"I hate him." Gabriel responded with a deadpan expression, devoid of emotion. 

"I love him."

"You can't do this son, you'll ruin your dreams."

"No dad." Adrien sighed. "Those were your dreams."

He left breakfast after dramatically declaring his love for Chat Noir.

Conveniently, Hawkmoth had an Akuma on Friday at 6:55. As soon as Adrien saw it, he made a tweet, before going to fight.

_Adrien: stay safe @Chat Noir, hope we can reschedule_

He didn't respond as Chat until after the attack.

_Chat: I'd love to_

There was no actual plan of dating himself.

A few days later, at patrol, he thanked Ladybug.

"Your advice worked really well."

She smiled. "I told you. If you add too much flour to your cookies-"

"Not that advice." He rolled his eyes. "Every time I try to bake, it either burns or starts a fire."

"I could teach you. I-" Ladybug stuttered over some possibly identity sensitive information. "I have access to a bakery."

"Dont worry, I have a friend who lives in a bakery."

"Oh?"

"Marinette."

"She's cute." 

"The cutest." Adrien agreed. "I know she would teach me how to bake if I asked."

"Yeah, she would."

"Wait, did you just call Marinette cute?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh my gosh, you two would be perfect together."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"No, no, she's really good friends with my-" he almost called himself his own boyfriend, "- with Adrien, we could set the two of you up."

"You're not like actually dating Adrien, are you?"

Chat sighed. "I wish."

"Okay, we can't put civilians in danger like that."

"Yeah." He chuckled a little bit. "Thanks. I told people that I thought Chat was hot and now they just think I have a crush on him."

"Ooh, but you're competing with Adrien Agreste."

"I think I can beat him."

"I don't know." Ladybug shrugged. "That's some steep competition."

"He probably wouldn't like me anyways." 

Ladybug patted him on the shoulder. "I like you."

"You do?"

"You're my best friend. Of course I do. You're awesome. Maybe even more awesome than Adrien Agreste."

"I think we're probably about the same level of awesome." It was true.

The last step to Adrien's plan to convince people he wasn't Chat Noir happened after Marinette cornered him in the hallway.

"You're Chat Noir." 

"No. I'm Adrien."

"I heard the cat pun." She shook her head. "I can't believe I didn't see it."

"I'm not Chat Noir. I'm just in love with him." Adrien lied.

"You're in love with Chat Noir?" Marinette's face fell a little.

"Yeah. And Ladybug."

"So you're just a sucker for superheroes?" 

"Look who's talking. We all know how you feel about Ladybug."

Marinette blushed. "You have no idea, do you?"

He did catch Marinette giving him weird looks all day, so he had to put a stop to that.

When Adrien got home from school, he did the unthinkable.

He wrote fanfiction. About himself. With Chat Noir.

It was all very cute, lots of cat puns, and very much something Adrien would not do.

He printed it out and headed over to Marinette's house. 

After she let him into her room, he proceeded to have the most awkward conversation of his life. 

"Hey, Marinette, you're friends with Adrien, right?"

"That's right." She confirmed. "Do you need his schedule?"

Adrien didn't even know his own schedule. "Do you have his schedule?"

Marinette pulled a chart down from the ceiling. "I have everyone's schedules. It helps plan events."

"Hmm. Looks like he's free Saturday." Chat nodded. "This is helpful, but not what I wanted to ask."

"What did you want to ask?"

"You're like good friends with him, right?"

Marinette shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

"So, like, you know how he acts."

"If you're nervous about your date, don't be. He's super sweet."

"I wasn't."

"Oh." Marinette shook her head. "Yeah, I talk to him every day, so I'm pretty sure I know how he acts."

"Great." Chat Noir dumped his stack of papers in Marinette's lap. "Beta read this fanfic for me."

"Absolutely not." She dropped it on the floor.

"Please?"

"No, that's weird. Adrien's my friend. You're- you. I don't want to think about you two."

"Its nothing graphic, I promise."

"Fine." She sighed. "I'll read it, on one condition."

"Sure."

"You have to stay here till I'm done reading."

"Totally."

Marinette pulled out a red pen and started reading, making comments in the margins occasionally. 

Adrien had thought it was pretty good, but Marinette was criticizing a lot of it. 

After a painstaking 20 minutes, she finally looked up.

He couldn't wait to hear her opinion. "What did you think?" 

"That was actually pretty cute." She shrugged. "Other than a couple words you spelled wrong, I don't have much to say."

"Really?"

"I also think it's the most narcissistic thing I've ever read in my life."

He chuckled awkwardly. "I don't know what you mean."

"You keep talking about how hot you are. Both of you."

"Adrien is hot."

"You don't really have a six-pack."

"I was using my imagination."

Marinette stared at him. "Adrien, this has gone too far."

He blinked. "Who's Adrien?"

Marinette threw the fanfic at him. "I don't know, you tell me."

"Oh that Adrien."

"When I told you that acting like I had a crush on myself kept my identity a secret, I didn't mean that you should write fanfic about yourself."

"You never said that."

"You've taken it too far Agreste."

"Ladybug told me that. Not you."

She nodded. "Bingo."

Adrien looked down. "So all those times I talked to you about how pretty Ladybug is-"

"Yeah."

"And you say I'm the narcissist?"

"Adrien, I'm going to read a short passage."

"Oh no."

Marinette ran her finger down the page searching for a certain line. "His wavy golden locks shined like the sun. His emerald eyes captivated me. His six pack abs were so strong, you could grate cheese on them. Warm, gooey camembert, shredded to perfection-"

Adrien tore the papers out of Marinette's hands. "I did not write that part."

"Did you ask Plagg to proofread?"

"No comment."

Marinette giggled. "You did."

"I think we're done here."

"I was just getting started." Marinette tried to pull the papers back. "This is a work of art."

"Its not that funny."

"Adrien, you write fanfic about yourself. Its hilarious."

"You're never going to let this go, are you?"

"Nope."

"I was trying to protect my identity."

"By writing fanfic about yourself?"

"It seemed like the logical option."

Marinette facepalmed. "How is that the logical option?? I never did that."

"I guess you just weren't thinking."

Marinette changed the subject. "So, assuming that you aren't in love with yourself-"

Adrien stood up straight. "That's a bold assumption." 

Marinette rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to ask you on a date here."

"Yes."

She blinked. "I haven't even told you when."

"You have my schedule. I'm sure we can figure something out."

"Your fans will be so disappointed."

Adrien shook his head. "Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just think its a cover up."

"What would you be covering up?"

"They all think I'm dating Chat Noir."

"Right."

"Are you crying?"

"What? No." Marinette wiped her eyes. "Why would I be crying."

"You're tearing up."

"I'm tearing up, because I'm laughing so hard." Marinette chuckled. "I can't believe you wrote fanfic about yourself."

"We are never speaking about this again."

"Adrien, I will literally bring this up at every possibly occasion."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Unlike in Adrien's dreams, (and Gabriel's nightmares), his first kiss was with Marinette, not Chat Noir.

It would've been weird to kiss himself. 

Like really weird.

Almost as weird as writing fanfic about himself in an effort to hide his identity. 

Seriously, who does that? What would make him think that was the appropriate response? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm pretty sure I wrote more in this chapter alone than the rest of this, let me know if you think I should split it into separate works, one for each of the heroes, or is this formatting fine?
> 
> I think the next chapter will be the other half of renalya. 
> 
> Sidenote: does ninopace? Caranino? Have a ship name? Probably not. ChloeBee? QueenC?


	4. Ninopace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, I updated chapter one to have all of the alya chaos instead of just the beginning of it, this has become a series of oneshots about the heroes, and possibly the villains 
> 
> For purposes of this Au, (after the Chat reveal) Adrien also knows everyone's identities.

For the record, the fanfiction hadn't been Nino's first idea.

It started out simple enough, with a theory on the Ladyblog. A theory that Alya wouldn't delete even though it had potentially dangerous information. 

The theory was that Carapace was none other than Nino Lahiffe, boyfriend of Alya Cesaire.

They were absolutely correct, but it was too dangerous to admit, so Nino had to cover up his mistakes.

He avoided transforming anywhere near his house. He dropped "clues" that pointed in the opposite direction, but still the theory persisted.

Apparently, Nino and Carapace had very similar faces. The exact same nose. And they both had glasses. 

To refute that, Nino tried to get a nose job. Plastic surgery was his first idea. It would be the perfect way to look different from Carapace.

His mom wouldn't let him. She said it was a waste of money and he was fine the way he was. 

Alya had laughed at the suggestion too, so Nino had to come up with a better plan. 

He had to be strategic. He compiled a list of evidence, including the fact that Nino had been akumatized and posted it.

The post blew up.

So many people argued with him that Nino almost believed he was carapace.

Because he was.

He didn't know how to deal with the accusations. Alya had never had anyone seriously think that she was Rena Rouge, and as far as he knew, none of his other friends were heroes.

There was a time when everyone was pretty sure that Adrien was Chat Noir, but it turned out that Adrien was just incredibly awkward with his crush on Chat Noir. 

(Which was news, since Adrien had openly proclaimed his undying love for Ladybug, just like Chat, but that was a whole different theory that Nino kept between himself and Ladyblog user Camembert666)

Nino started off small, putting the idea in his friends' heads.

"You know, Carapace is pretty hot."

Alya gave him a Look™, because she knew. "Are you fishing for compliments?"

Marinette gave him a similar look. "You do realize that you guys look the same."

"No, he's wayy hotter than me." Nino smiled. "And he has those large muscles."

Marinette and Adrien exchanged a look. 

Adrien smirked. "You know, I'm more of a Chat Noir guy myself."

Marinette face-palmed. "I'm not encouraging this."

Nino shrugged. "I'm just saying, if Carapace were to sweep me off my feet, I'd leave you in a heartbeat."

Alya rolled her eyes. "Remind me to fight Carapace later."

"You wouldn't fight the love of my life." Nino clutched dramatically at his heart.

"I would if he steals my boyfriend."

Then, Nino posted comments under his Carapace account.

_I'm not Nino, that guys way cooler than me_

_I wish I could remix like dj bubbles_

_He has a hat, I have a hood. Its very different._

it should've been enough to distract people. 

Instead, it had the opposite effect.

People thought that it sounded like an excuse.

User Camembert666 in particular pestered Nino over and over again.

_Camembert666: I know that you're Carapace_

_Nino-jaTurtle: I'm really not_

_Camembert666: what's up with your username then?_

_Nino-jaTurtle: I'm a mutant neegage ninja teetles fan. What's up with yours?_

_Camembert666: I'm a cheese fan_

_Nino-jaTurtle:I just think he's a cool dude_

_Camembert666: you're really in love with Carapace? That's your angle?_

_Nino-jaTurtle: its the truth_

_Camembert666: prove it_

_Nino-jaTurtle: how?_

_Camembert666: write fanfic about you and Carapace_

Nino never backed down from a challenge. He was going to write the best self-fanfic he could. 

Three hours later, Nino had written 1000 words about himself and Carapace, meeting at a coffeeshop. He was the barista, and Carapace came in every day to order a milkshake-

The details weren't important. 

To share it with Camembert666 Nino had to post it online, but he didn't want to post something that had typos, so he brought it to the best writer he knew, for proofreading-

-well, the second best writer, because he couldn't ask Alya to read that-

Carapace showed up on Marinette's balcony with a single sheet of paper. "Can you proofread this for me?"

Marinette sighed. "If you can do my calc homework."

"Deal."

They switched papers, and Marinette skimmed the work. 

After an eternity, she looked up.

"So?" Nino asked. 

"Well, it's not bad. Its cute. It makes me wonder how much fanfic you've read and why-"

"Not important." Nino cut her off.

"Why did you ask me to read this? Why not Rena Rouge?"

"I think she'd make fun of me if she read this."

Marinette laughed. "Nino. I am going to make fun of you for this relentlessly."

His heart skipped a beat. "How did you figure it out?"

"Well, first of all, Carapace probably isn't named after the Ninja Turtles. You're the only person I know who can name all three Ninja turtles. Its an American show."

"There are four."

"That proves my point."

"Ladybug's gonna kill me."

"No, she'll just tease you relentlessly." Marinette smirked. "Because this is hilarious."

"I really thought it would help hide my identity." He put his face in his hands. "I broke the first rule of being a superhero."

Marinette sighed. "Nino, if I had a nickel for every time a hero asked me to read fanfic about themselves in an effort to hide their identity, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but its weird that it happened twice."

"Who was the other hero?"

Marinette shook her head. "I'll tell you when Hawkmoth is defeated."

"Deal." Nino chuckled. "Other than that, do you think it's a good fic? I wanted to post it to throw people off my trail."

"Well, it's readable, and it's cute, but it totally made me realize that you were Carapace."

"So...."

"Don't post it." 

"Are you sure?"

"Nino, if you post it, I will out your superhero identity to Adrien and Alya so that we can make fun of you for writing fanfic about yourself."

"Alya scares me."

"I know."

"Okay, I won't post it." Nino said, you know, like a liar.

When Nino got home, he changed the names in his fic before posting it and sharing it with Camembert666.

_Nino-jaTurtle: I told you I'm not Carapace._

_Camembert666: I didn't think you'd actually post this lol. That's hilarious_

and true to her word, Marinette made fun of him for it relentlessly. 

She didn't reveal his identity, which was a relief. 

And the internet mysteriously stopped believing that Nino was Carapace. It probably was thanks to the fact that Camembert666, one of the lead theorists on the heroes identities stopped after Nino posted the fanfic and moved on to the theory that Kagami was Ryuuko.

It made Nino laugh. Kagami was strong enough, but she was under too much control. It was as ridiculous as the idea that Adrien was Chat Noir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're like "what were you thinking?" I wasn't. I've just been listening to the shrek 2 soundtrack on repeat
> 
> Also, thank you guys for all the nice comments! Its been one day and ever got 50 kudos wow


	5. Bunnix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alix almost plots the murder of user Camembert 666.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also shoutout to buggachat on tumblr who spawned all of the adrichat insanity in like april, this is a direct result of that.
> 
> Also btw:/headcanon that Alix is nb, they/them, sorry if the pronouns in this chapter are confusing.  
> If the they/them is referring to one person is it themself? Or themselves? I'm not sure. Let me know and I will go back through and fix that I don't want to offend anyone with dumb grammar mistakes.

Alix Kubdel did not have a miraculous.

They knew that in the future, they would get the bunny miraculous. Eventually, they would become the hero known as Bunnyx. 

They also would become taller.

Those facts were between Alix themself, Ladybug and Chat Noir.

No one else knew that the watch, a family heirloom, would somehow turn out to be a miraculous (Alix wasn't sure how, it hadn't happened yet). 

So, imagine Alix's shock when they saw a theory on the Ladyblog staying that they were in fact Bunnyx.

(Correct pronouns and all. Camembert666 really did some research).

Not only was that insider information, Alix had been pictured next to Bunnyx. Bunnyx was way taller than Alix. 

User Camembert666 was well known for their joke identity reveals on the Ladyblog.

They had "exposed" Gabriel Agreste for being Hawkmoth. They had "outed" Nino as Carapace. Once they had claimed that Alya was Rena Rouge. 

It was one big joke, and it was hilarious.

Until the attention was pointed on Alix themselves. Then it became incredibly stressful. Camembert666 knew too much.

If Alix could track the user down, she would give Camembert666 a piece of their mind.

Technically Alix wasn't Bunnyx, yet, so they couldn't scare Camembert666 by throwing them in a broken timeline, no Alix had to just scare them with their non-magical skills. 

Alix did the only reasonable thing. They started to write a thinly veiled threat.

It quickly became a not veiled threat.

_Alix_Trix_R_4_kids: listen here punk. I am going to find you and I am going to end you. You will rue the day that you tried to come after me. Clearly I'm not Bunnix, we were in the same place at the same time. Just because we both have pink hair doesn't make us the same person, that would be like assuming Luka was Viperion because of the blue tips. You should be glad that I don't have a miraculous because if I did, I would hunt you down for potentially exposing delicate secrets-_

Alix was torn away from the laptop by Bunnyx, the older version of themselves. 

Alix, who had been pushed to the ground, sat up on the carpet. "What was that for?"

"Sorry mini-me." Bunnyx was holding down the backspace, deleting every word that Alix had written, "its not worth it."

"How do you know?"

"I come from the future."

"Oh. Right."

Bunnyx pulled out a cheese wheel. "If you don't send that, I'll give you this."

Alix stared. "Is that... Camembert?"

"Yep."

"Yum. How'd you get it?"

"That's between me and the devil. If you do this right, you'll get plenty of cheese in the future."

"I'm a fan of that. Why can't I send that message?"

"The brief satisfaction you would get from this does not balance out the incredible level of chaos it would create."

Alix frowned. "So, I destroyed the universe?"

"Not this one. I ended that timeline. This one is stable."

"So I can't argue with people online?"

"No, you can't reveal our identity online. You can argue all you want."

"Lame." Alix stuck out their tongue, "but I guess if the world depends on it, Camembert666 doesn't have to be scared of me."

Bunnyx laughed. "Oh, believe me, he will be... has Marinette moved out of the bakery yet?"

"No, she's still there." 

Bunnyx laughed. "Perfect. I need to print something."

After Bunnyx left, Alix looked at the page left open on her web browser. 

It was a fanfiction written in the year 2025, which seemed impossible, but maybe it had something to do with Bunnyx's magical time powers.

The weirdest part of the fic was that it was co-authored, by BunBun and Camembert666. The two main pairings of the fic were Alix Kubdel/Bunnyx and Chaos/Cheese. It was labelled explicit.

Alix closed the browser without reading the fic. They didn't need to be scarred for life. Future Alix was weird. 

...

Bunnyx stepped onto Marinette's balcony. "Hey, minibug, remember how you said I could trust you with anything?"

"No?" Marinette yawned, climbing onto her balcony. "Its late."

"Well, you did. Or you do."

"What do you need from me?" 

"Proofread this for me." Bunnyx handed them a copy of the fic.

Marinette took one look at the pairings and groaned. "Do I want to know?"

"Future you said it would be funny."

"She probably thinks it is." Marinette shook her head. "I can't believe that this is the third time this has happened."

"Third?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

Bunnyx frowned. "I'm a little early."

Marinette groaned. "You mean this happens again?"

Bunnyx ignored Marinette's question. "What year is it?"

"2020?"

Bunnyx chuckled. "Oh, you'll have some fun soon."

"What do you mean? What?"

It was too late. 

Bunnyx had already jumped through time, and Marinette was left alone with the fic, which she proceeded to read and then immediately set on fire.

She had no idea Alix had such a dirty mind.

She wasn't able to look Alix in the eyes for a week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by the song "send me on my way" all I can tell you is that it was in ice age and I've been listening to it on repeat. 
> 
> Sidenote+: I'm pretty sure this is not a real ship. Like at all. I don't think it has a name, but Bunnix flows way better than Alnnyx... wait Alyx. No that kinda looks like Alya/Bunnyx... uhh if anyone has the ship name for Alix/Bunnyx let me know otherwise we're sticking with Bunnix (which I think should've been the spelling of their superhero name but that's a different argument) also bunnyx should have roller blades.


	6. Ryuugami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a calc midterm in 45 minutes wish me luck
> 
> Hahah update I took the calc midterm, don't think I did too well, but then I got distracted trying to set up a microwave with my roommates. We figured it out and I remembered I was going to update this my b

Kagami's secret identity as Ryuuko was a unique case.

Like Chloe, her identity had practically been revealed to the world. Anyone with eyes could watch the Akuma footage from Ikari Gozen and conclude that Kagami was the new hero.

Or so she thought.

Kagami assumed she had been retired as a hero, since her identity was revealed. 

Apparently not. 

Kagami did not scroll through the internet very often, but on one such occasion, she found herself looking through the Ladyblog. 

There was a video of the right, that showed Ryuuko in all her glory.

She moved faster than normal, a combination of magic and Kagami's reflexes. 

Kagami favorited the video and was about to go to a different page, when a comment underneath caught her eye. 

The comment, by user _Camembert666_ claimed that Kagami was Ryuuko. It wasn't that surprising, anyone could guess it.

The replies to that comment said otherwise.

It was very enlightening.

_A.A: Kagami can't be Ryuuko, her mother would never allow it_

_BunBun: Stop meddling with the timeline_

_TikkiTorch: Stinky-Sock I stg I will find you and end you_

_TheLadyBlogger: You always have interesting theories_

_Nino-jaTurtle: why didn't I guess that???_

Aside from a few comments, most people disagreed with Camembert666. Kagami's secret identity as Ryuuko was still a secret.

Mostly.

She just had to convince Camembert666.

She sent a private message, and soon a conversation formed.

_DragonGami: I would appreciate it if you stopped spreading rumours about me being a superhero_

_Camembert666: its just a theory. A game theory_

_DragonGami: is that some sort of joke?_

_Camembert666: yes, never mind. Look I'm just playing harmless games_

_DragonGami: it's not harmless when you out someone's superhero identity._

_Camembert666: so you're admitting that you are Ryuuko???_

_DragonGami: ....._

_Camembert666: I could post screenshots of this conversation and out you_

_DragonGami: and I could find you and stab you with a sword_

_DragonGami: I would just say the screenshots are photoshopped_

_DragonGami: I'm not really the hero type_

_Camembert666: well, this has been fun_

Kagami panicked. She wasn't getting anywhere with this user. She had outed her own secret identity.

She backtracked quickly.

_DragonGami: for the record, I'm not Ryuuko, I just want you to take the post down_

_Camembert666: I'll take it down, but you have to tell me why_

She scrambled for a response. 

Her first idea was to say that she had killed Ryuuko and didn't want to be linked to her in any way, but 

A) that was suspicious as hell 

And

B) Camembert666 would probably report her to the police. 

Kagami had to find a better solution, one that would explain both her weird behavior and why she wouldn't want attention.

It wasn't like she had any friends who acted weirdly for any reason-

Kagami had an epiphany.

The way she was acting about Ryuuko was identical to how Marinette used to act around Adrien, before they started dating.

Kagami and Ryuuko were never in the same place at the same time, because Kagami was avoiding Ryuuko. She got embarrassed because of a huge crush.

Kagami didn't like to lie, but she would, for the sake of her identity, for the fate of the world.

_DragonGami: I'm in love with Ryuuko, and I don't want her to know_

_Camembert666: prove it_

_DragonGami: excuse me?_

_Camembert666: I'll delete the post if you show me like a love letter or something_

_DragonGami: this is blackmail_

_Camembert666: but if you tell the police, you have to admit that you're Ryuuko_

_DragonGami: Touché_

Kagami sat down to write the greatest love letter to herself, ever. 

She didn't like the style of writing, and decided to change it around.

It was like when Adrien got accused of being Chat Noir. 

He declared his love for Chat Noir and wrote some fanfiction about the two of them. Chat Noir was weirdly into it, but the whole thing stopped when Adrien started dating Marinette.

How that all went down was truly a mystery, but it gave Kagami a better idea.

She started writing a fictional story, about herself falling in love with Ryuuko, and they were roommates (oh my God they were roommates??)

When Kagami was satisfied with the writing, she printed out a copy. 

Kagami was never the best at writing, so she decided to consult a creative friend for advice. 

Most of her friends were Adrien, who was as creative as a box of cardboard, or the children of her mother's friends, who were as dull as a pencil that's stopped writing. Luckily, Kagami had one friend she would consider creative, Marinette.

It seemed a little weird to ask Marinette to help her write self-fan fiction, so she made some minor changes to the names.

Then, to be safe, she transformed into Ryuuko and jumped over to Marinette's balcony. 

Marinette was hand-embroidering a t-shirt when Kagami landed next to her.

Marinette looked up and groaned. "What do you want?"

Kagami frowned, taken aback by the unenthusiastic response. She was a superhero, not just any person landing on Marinette's balcony. "I need your help."

Marinette Sat up. "Oh shit is there an Akuma after me? If it's Lila, then I stg-"

"No, no nothing like that." Kagami chuckled awkwardly. "Middle need your help with something a little more.... creative."

Marinette grabbed Ryuuko's hand. "Just had to make sure you weren't an illusion. Creative? How?"

Kagami scratched the back of her neck. "Are you any good at writing?"

"I'd say I'm average, why?" Marinette's eyes narrowed. "Not you too!"

"What?"

"You want me to read fan fiction about yourself?"

"Has this happened before?"

"Weirdly enough, yes." Marinette shrugged. "I have no idea why I'm the go-to editor for Paris's hero's fanfictions."

"You just give off creative vibes."

"I do?"

"I didn't know who else to ask. I don't have very many friends."

Marinette sighed. "I'll read it." After grabbing the papers, she paused. "Its nothing Explicit, right?"

Kagami's face went red. "Define explicit?"

"Uhhh-"

"All they do is kiss." Kagami admitted. "I think there's some swearing, but nothing extreme."

"Thanks for the warning."

When Marinette was done reading, she shook her head. "Chat Noir put you up to this, didn't he?"

"No." Kagami replied honestly. "I was trying to convince someone on the internet to stop looking for my identity."

"Did you really think that this would help hide your identity?"

"Of course. It was the most logical option."

"No, it wasn't." Marinette facepalmed. "This is never a good solution."

"It worked, didn't it?"

"No."

Kagami laughed. "You don't know who I am."

"Yes, I do." 

Her heart skipped a beat. "How? I've been so careful with my transformations."

Marinette raised an eyebrow. "Well, first of all, you put Ryuuko's civilian name as Tsagami Kurugi."

"Yeah, that was the first name I could come up with. Creative, right?"

"No. You just switched the first letters of your first and last name Kagami. Its obvious that you're hiding something. Especially when you have sentences like- 'Kagami reached out, 'Tsgami, I love you!' -the name is so obvious. "

"Its genius. No one will suspect a thing."

"Its not."

Kagami shook her head. "I guess you just don't understand art, Marinette."

Marinette shook her head. "I understand art. What I don't understand is insanity. This is madness."

"Its not."

"Kagami, you're like the fifth hero to ask me to read fanfic about themselves."

"At least its not the sixth."

"I hope there isn't a sixth."

"You never know."

"Kagami, I just want to know why people are doing this. Is someone blackmailing you? Is it a big prank? Did Chat Noir put you up to this?"

"No, nothing like that." Kagami shook her head. "Some jerk on the Ladyblog kept commenting about my identity and I wrote this to make him stop."

"Do you remember the username?"

Kagami frowned. "I think it was Cameron333 or something. I can't send you their info when I get home."

"I'm going to get to the bottom of this." Marinette sighed. "Unless it's all Bunnyx. Then there's nothing I can do."

When Kagami got back home, the messages between her and the user were deleted. It was like they never existed.

Marinette sent a very strongly worded message to some poor Ladyblog user _Cameron333_ who acted like they had no idea what was going on. 

Typical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because y'all seemed to like my note about listening to the shrek 2 soundtrack (aka the greatest soundtrack of all time) you should know that I was listening to the Cars (2006) soundtrack. Real Gone is such a bop


	7. Lukperion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I'm making up ship names

Luka was not one to usually pay attention to the comment section on the Ladyblog.

He spent most of his time with music. Writing, practicing, and listening.

Luka couldn't care less about the theories on the internet.

He had no idea who Ladybug was, and he wasn't going to dig deeper.

He could respect privacy. 

Luka would help during Akuma battles, but at the end of the day, Ladybug's identity didn't effect how she helped the community.

She was a real hero. 

Lula didn't look at theories, but his sister and Rose read them religiously. They would share the best ones with him.

Even Luka got a laugh from the idea of Kim being King Monkey. He could recognize satire when he saw it.

But when Juleka sent him a thread about how Luka Couffaine was Viperion, it was nerve-wracking. 

User Camembert666 had an entirely true thread about how Luka was a superhero. He really needed to be more careful.

He had to throw Camembert666 off his trail, but there was really only one option he could think of, that didn't involve actually talking to people. 

He could maybe get Alya to delete the post, but there was no guarantee that Camembert666 wouldn't repost.

No guarantee that it was safe from Hawkmoth.

He had one solution.

The simplest solution. 

_Lukalike: please delete that post, its embarrassing_

The reply came instantly

_Camembert666: why? Im just posting theories for fun._

_Lukalike: I'm in love with Viperion_

The lie left a sour taste in his mouth, but it was better than the alternative. Luka knew the dangers of exposing a secret identity. 

Ladybug would take the miraculous from him. 

_Camembert666: prove it and ill take the post down_

_Lukalike: how am I supposed to prove it? I'm not going to tell him-_

_Camembert666: idk write a love letter, something cheesy_

The problem was, Luka didn't write love letters, he wrote songs. He couldn't write anything else.

Luka made a rough draft of a song, with lyrics about his flowing blue hair and muscles.

It wasn't very good. 

He erased the whole thing and started over.

He created a ballad, a love story.

It was still not his best work. 

He needed inspiration. A muse.

Luka transformed into Viperion and went over to Marinette's house to be inspired. As soon as he landed, he whispered "second chance," to start his timer.

Marinette let him in, and Viperion introduced himself as a hero. 

Marinette just stared at him. "There's an Akuma after me, right?"

"Nope." He smiled. "I wanted you to hear this song."

"That's sweet, but I have a boyfriend. And it's late."

"Its-" Luka cleared his throat. "Its actually about your good friend Luka."

Marinette sighed. "Of course it is."

"What?"

"I'm listening-"

Luka played through his song. "So, what did you think?"

"I thought Chat Noir was the most narcissistic person I know, but I was just proven wrong."

"I have no idea what you mean." Viperion's hand was hovering over his wrist.

"Luka, I can't believe you wrote a love song for yourself-"

Somehow, she figured out his identity. 

Luka panicked. "Second Chance!"

Then, he was standing outside Marinette's balcony again. Take two.

....

Take two also resulted in a reveal.

Take three resulted in a broken guitar.

Take five resulted in Luka kissing Marinette and then feeling incredibly guilty as she yelled at him about how she loved Adrien.

Take ten was a mess, because Luka asked for a glass of water, and Marinette accidentally dumped it on his head.

Take 3562 was almost perfect, Luka had come up with the perfect lyrics, but Marinette still discovered his identity at the end. 

After 5000 takes, Luka knew something was up.

When he entered Marinette's room, he started differently. "You know who I am."

She blinked. "Yeah, of course I do, you're Viperion."

"No, you know who I am."

"Do I?"

"I've been asking you for help with a song-"

"A song?"

"Yeah, and every time, you laugh at me and call me by name."

Marinette shrugged. "Are you sure your song doesn't have any potentially identity revealing information?"

"No, it's just a love song."

"Huh." 

"Yeah."

Marinette frowned. "Is it a love song about Luka?"

"Aha!" Luka pointed at her. "You do know who I am?"

She placed her head in her hands. "I keep telling you guys, pretending to be in love with yourself doesn't help hide your identity."

"What are you talking about?"

"You think you're the first hero to make me proofread a love letter? Or fanfic?"

"Fanfic?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I've read some very scarring Bunnyx/Bunnyx fanfic." Marinette shivered. "The worst part is that with her, it's technically possible, if she wanted to break the rules of time. You don't want to know."

"Do you know every hero's identity?"

"At this point, yeah." Marinette shrugged. 

"Do you realize how much danger you're in? You can't let Hawkmoth-"

"Relax. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." Marinette smiled. "If Ladybug can't keep a secret, no one can."

"You're Ladybug?"

Marinette swore. "Fuck. I wish I had second chance."

"I could-"

"No, don't. You already know."

"Yep."

"So, song?"

"Song."

Luka played his song for Marinette, one last time.

When he was done, she laughed. "I can't believe you wrote a song about being in love with yourself."

"Its a little ridiculous, isn't it?"

"I'm going to make fun of you relentlessly." Marinette smirked. "This is perfect."

After that embarrassing spectacle, Luka went back home.

He recorded his song, and sent it over to Camembert666.

_Lukalike: hope this is enough proof_

_Camembert666: I've raised my price_

_Lukalike: what? You said you'd delete the post_

_Camembert666: if you send one wheel of cheese a month to this address, ill take down the post. And, I won't post your song._

Luka googled the address. It was a P.O. box in Paris, not too far away. Camembert666 was close. Probably someone who knew Luka personally. 

Their post wasn't a joke.

They knew.

_Lukalike: this is blackmail_

_Camembert666: I'm pretty sure it's cheese mail_

_Lukalike: its illegal_

_Camembert666: so is being a superhero, but I won't tell if you don't_

Luka sighed and went on Amazon, researching cheese wheels. Whoever this was, they had an expensive addiction

_Lukalike: I signed up. It should ship in a week_

_Camembert666: perfect, mwahahah this is better than expected_

_Lukalike: you're the worst_

_Camembert666: you have no idea_

Luka shut his laptop with a frown. Camembert was expensive, but he had enough money saved up that he could keep the secret for a few years. 

Camembert was disgusting though. The cheese smelled like feet. It was sharp and pungent. Luka didn't understand why anyone would ever want to eat that.

The only person he knew that actually liked camembert was Adrien Agreste, Marinette's boyfriend.

The dude always smelled like camembert, even though Luka had never actually seen him eat any. It was like he kept pieces of cheese in his pocket.

For a guy who claimed to shower every day, he smelled weirdly of cheese. It was weird.

But there was no way that Adrien was the one blackmailing Luka. 

Adrien was too nice for that.

Maybe Adrien was being blackmailed too.

Luka made a mental note to subtly ask Adrien about the cheese. It was unreasonable to like cheese so much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I was gonna update last like but I fell asleep oof. 
> 
> Okay so I think the heroes left are King Monkey, and Queen Bee. Let me know if I'm forgetting anyone (other than Aspik/Multimouse, I have no plans to write those two but idk.)
> 
> After that, I want to write a chapter for Lila, Hawkmoth, and Mayura 
> 
> I also kinda want to write a related oneshot from Plagg's pov about how chaotic he is.


	8. Pegamax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to all the max stans if there are any he was a hero in like one episode and I totally forgot about him thanks for reminding me y'all

Max didn't understand why anyone would make theories about the heroes identities. 

Most of the time, they had no scientific backing, and just made wild claims, with vague, circumstantial evidence.

The theory about him being Pegasus was no different. 

There was no concrete evidence proving that he was actually Pegasus, but it was certainly enough to be suspicious. The person who posted the theory had a little too much knowledge to not be another hero.

As Max was thinking about it, he remembered that Camembert666 always posted wild theories on the Ladyblog. Things like Marinette being Ladybug, or Gabriel being Hawkmoth. 

Theories that were certainly possible. 

Except the one about Kim being King Monkey. That was truly impossible.

And the theories always got taken down, within a week. 

The theory about Max being Pegasus seemed equally innocent, at first glance.

There was too much detail to be a random guess. Somehow, he had messed up. 

The only people that could possibly know that Max was Pegasus were his classmates, so that narrowed it down quite a bit.

Chloe or Lila certainly seemed cunning enough to play a game like this.

He messaged Camembert666 to figure out what they wanted.

_Maximum_Teleportation: hey, can you remove the post about me?_

_Camembert666: its just a theory, no one is getting hurt_

_Maximum_Teleportation: you could get hurt, when I teleport over there and strangle you for being so reckless with secret identities_

_Camembert666: you're admitting that you're Pegasus?_

_Maximum_Teleportation: you already know the answer to that._

_Camembert666: no excuses?_

_Maximum_Teleportation: I'm a man of logic, what do you want from me?_

_Camembert666: I like you_

Max traced the ip address of Camembert666 to a familiar location. It seemed unlikely, based on character, but based on ip address, there was one option.

Adrien Agreste was Camembert666. 

He was threatening the superheroes' identities and blackmailing them.

Max messaged him personally.

_Maxium_Teleportation: I know who you are_

_Camembert666: you have no idea who I am_

_Maximum_Teleportation: stop blackmailing heroes, I'm reporting you to ladybug_

_Camembert666: you can try, I'm impossible to track down_

_Maximum_Teleportation: I can track you down. I already have_

_Camembert666: bold of you to assume_

_Maximum_Teleportation: I never assume. I only make educated guesses._

_Camembert666 is typing...._

_Maximum_Teleportation: if you're trying to hide your location, use a vpn._

_Camembert666: I don't know what you mean_

_Maximum_Teleportation: you can stop the games, Adrien_

_Camembert666: gahsgajsghs you think I'm Adrien?_

_Maximum_Teleportation: well, you wouldn't be gabriel_

_Camembert666: nice guess. Sunshine has no idea about my little operation._

_Maximum_Teleportation: so you're close to Adrien?_

_Camembert666: we have an agreement._

Max frowned. 

Clearly, Adrien was also being blackmailed by this criminal. He had to pay the price to keep his secrets... whatever they were.

(Max suspected they were superhero related- Aspik and Adrien looked similar)

_Maximum_Teleportation: what's your price_

_Camembert666: chaos_

_Camembert666: *cheese* sorry autocorrect_

_Maximum_Teleportation: Cheese?_

_Camembert666: one wheel of Camembert a month. Send to my P.O. box. Ill delete the post once the first wheel arrives_

_Maximum_Teleportation: ...._

_Camembert666: if you report me to Ladybug, I'll tell her that you exposed your identity_

_Maximum_Teleportation: you should have that cheese by the end of this week._

It was very suspicious that the user's location was Adrien's home.

It was even more suspicious that Adrien always smelled like camembert cheese.

Either he was being blackmailed too, or he was the one blackmailing.

Max decided to do some digging on the Ladyblog archives to figure out who else's identity was in jeopardy. 

He would do some investigating, and then call together a meeting. 

Camembert666 had to go down.


	9. QueenChloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For purposes of this au, Chloe is a part of team miraculous. (For purposes of this au, all of the temporary heroes permanently have their miraculouses)

Chloe Bourgeoisie fucked up massively by revealing her identity to all of Paris as soon as she stole the miraculous.

There were cameras recording her, it was immortalized forever on the internet.

Ladybug had been pissed. By revealing her identity, Chloe put herself in a lot of danger. She understood that now, but it was too late to take it back.

She didn't know why Ladybug had allowed her to stay on the team, after breaking rule #2, but she was glad that she did.

(Rule #1 was no murder. That had to be specified after some events that involved second chance and Bunnyx. No one knew the specifics.)

So, when she saw a "theory" on the Ladyblog that she was Queen Bee, Chloe just laughed, and wrote a comment below.

_QueenBee: Yeah no shit I'm Chloe, everyone knows that_

_Camembert666: can't believe I forgot that I'll have to think of something else_

_QueenBee: what do you want_

_Camembert666: camembert_

_QueenBee: gross_

_Camembert666: you misspelled delicious_

_QueenBee: go try to blackmail Adrien Agreste, he loves that cheese_

_Camembert666: already doing tha_ t

_QueenBee: what?_

Chloe blinked and the entire conversation vanished. 

Probably deleted. 

Weird.

She ignored it and went about her day, which included going to school and pretending like Adrien didn't smell more like cheese than usual.

It was seriously funky.

She had no idea how he managed to get a girlfriend, even someone like Marinette, while smelling like that.

Chloe smelled like honey and flowers and she couldn't get a girlfriend.

It wasn't fair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was short, but Plagg really can't blackmail Chloe with her identity like that.
> 
> Next is Kim, which I will start writing as soon as this is posted.


	10. Kim-Monkey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I know Chloe's last name isn't actually bourgeoisie but I have no idea how to spell it so that's what you get
> 
> I'm gonna be honest, I don't remember much about Kim, other than King Monkey was super chaotic and he's in love with Chloe and the fish girl.

Honestly, Kim couldn't explain exactly what happened.

First, he was trying to convince someone that he wasn't King Monkey, and then he was confessing his love for himself.

One thing led to another and Kim wrote a fanfiction about himself.

Kim jumped across rooftops onto Marinette's balcony.

She saw him and sighed. "No."

"What?" He wasn't used to being rejected as a superhero.

"I said no. I don't have time for this."

Kim cleared his throat. "Let me introduce myself, I am King Monkey."

"I know who you are." Her eyes narrowed. "I'm Marinette."

"I bet you're wondering why I'm here."

"Nope."

"You're not?"

"I know why you're here, my answer is no."

"Oh!" He shook his head. "There's not an Akuma after you, if that's what you're worried about."

"You wrote fanfiction, didn't you?"

"Why would you think-"

"Its about you and Kim." She sighed. "I'm not even that good at writing, but I can read it over for you."

"How did you know? Are you stalking my internet search history?"

"Kim-"

He flinched. "How do you know who I am?"

"Long story."

"I have time."

"Lets just say... you aren't the first superhero to ask me to read fanfic of themselves."

"There were others?"

"Too many."

"Do you know all the heroes identities?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "At this point. I have no idea about Hawkmoth, but I'm pretty sure I'd be scarred if I had to read that."

"Right..." Kim scratched the back of his neck. "So..."

"I'll read it if you tell me why you wrote it."

"Its complicated."

"That's not an answer."

"Well, some jerk on the Ladyblog made a theory about my identity."

"I see." Marinette stroked her chin. "Go on."

"I asked them to remove it, and they asked me for a reason."

"Makes sense."

"So, I told them that I, Kim, was in love with King Monkey."

"Why?"

"Seemed like the best option."

"It really... isn't."

"It isn't?"

"No."

"But you said all the other heroes wrote fan fiction about themselves." Kim smirked. "If they did it, it's a good idea."

"That doesn't make it a good idea."

"Did Chat Noir do it?"

"Yeah, but-"

"All of his ideas are good."

Marinette laughed. "Ladybug didn't." 

"Then they asked me to prove that I was in love with myself." Kim continued. "The only logical way was to write fanfiction about myself."

"Sure."

"Yep."

"I just don't know why I'm everyone's go-to editor."

"You're really creative and good at writing."

"Thanks." 

"Much better than me."

"I just wish I knew who was behind these posts and why."

"Posts?"

"Yeah. This user, seems to be targeting everyone on Team Miraculous. They haven't come after Ladybug or Chat Noir directly, but it's only a matter of time."

"You want me to hunt them down and kill them?"

"No."

"Oh."

"But, if you give me any information you have, that would be helpful."

"Deal."

Marinette proofread the fic, offering some suggestions for improvement. 

Kim took it home, and retyped it, sending it to Camembert666.

_Camembert666: I've upped my price_

_Kim-Monkey: I'm not writing smut_

_Camembert666: not I require something a little more.... cheesy_

_Kim-Monkey: like what? Cheese puns or romance?_

_Camembert666: camembert_

_Kim-Monkey: that wouldn't really fit the vibe of my story_

_Camembert666: no, I want actual camembert_

_Kim-Monkey: go to the grocery store_

_Camembert666: you owe me a monthly supply of camembert. One wheel. I have a p.o box._

_Kim-Monkey: did I lose a bet?_

_Camembert666: no, but I could reveal your identity_

_Kim-Monkey: this is blackmail_

_Camembert666: its cheese mail..._

_Kim-Monkey: was that a pun?_

_Camembert666: I'm a muenster. You'd cheddar pay up._

_Kim-Monkey: I know who you are_

_Camembert666: no you don't_

_Kim-Monkey: you're Chat Noir's kwami_

_Camembert666: you must be mistaken. I'm Flagg. Send the cheese to the box or else._

_Kim-Monkey: no one else would make such bad puns and require Camembert._

_Camembert666: how do you know I'm not Chat Noir_

_Kim-Monkey: Chat Noir hates camembert. Hes always complaining about how much he has to buy for you_

_Camembert666: I am not the jedi you are looking for_

_Kim-Monkey: Plagg, right?_

_Camembert666: I'm not Plagg, I'm in love with him_

_Kim-Monkey: I see what Marinette means about that not working._

_Camembert666: you talked to Marinette?_

_Kim-Monkey: yeah and I'm gonna tell Chat Noir that you're trying to extort me for cheese_

_Camembert666: you wouldn't dare_

_Kim-Monkey: you wanna bet?_

_Camembert666: no, please, I'm desperate_

_Kim-Monkey: desperate for cheese?_

_Camembert666: he doesn't feed me_

_Kim-Monkey: ..._

_Kim-Monkey: he doesn't feed you?_

_Camembert666: no I'm starving over here_

_Kim-Monkey: that's abuse. I should tell Ladybug that Chat doesn't deserve you_

_Kim-Monkey: I'm going to personally find Chat Noir and slap him hard and also give you some cheese_

_Camembert666: don't do that. He's a good kid_

_Kim-Monkey: is he?_

_Camembert666: I don't want to leave him_

_Kim-Monkey: I'm pretty sure that's Stockholm Syndrome_

_Camembert666: what?_

_Kim-Monkey: can Kwami get Stockholm Syndrome_

_Camembert666: I don't know what that means_

_Kim-Monkey: that would explain why Hawkmoth's kwami hasnt escaped._

_Camembert666: maybe he was ordered to not escape._

_Kim-Monkey: Has Chat Noir ordered you to not escape?_

_Camembert666: no. Chat Noir is good to me._

_Kim-Monkey: you said he doesn't feed you. We have to get you out of there_

_Camembert666: you misunderstand._

_Camembert666: he feeds me as much as he can. Its not his fault that I require so much_

_Kim-Monkey: So he's not abusing you_

_Camembert666: no, but cataclysm takes so much out of me. I'm always so exhausted, and he can barely get enough cheese for me_

_Kim-Monkey: yikes_

_Camembert666: it's not his fault_

_Kim-Monkey: gosh, now I feel bad. I'll send you two wheels of cheese. Per week._

_Camembert666: thank you_

_Camembert666: you're a godsend_

_Camembert666: I love you_

_Kim-Monkey: I just want to help however I can_

_Camembert666: can we keep this between us_

_Kim-Monkey: I mean sure, but-_

_Camembert666: I don't want Ladybug to get mad at my kitten he's trying his best._

_Camembert666: and if he finds out that I'm not eating enough, he's gonna give me more of his food and he barely gets enough food._

_Kim-Monkey: yeah, we can keep this between us_

Despite finding out the identity of Camembert666, Kim kept it to himself. 

If he told Marinette, she could tell Ladybug and then it would be a whole mess. Plagg sounded like he had everything under control, for now at least. 

If the situation got worse, Kim would not hesitate to tell Ladybug, but for now, he kept quiet and put all of his savings towards cheese.

That cheese was going to save the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plagg's plan isn't going to work forever, is it?


	11. Volpila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry

Lila's identity as Volpina was a secret to Everyone except Ladybug, Chat Noir and Hawkmoth.

It was her most private secret, and if it got out, it could ruin her. 

She had a reputation to withhold. A reputation built on lies and deception, but a reputation nonetheless. 

If anyone if her classmates were to find out that she had been working with Hawkmoth, her tower of lies would come crashing down, and she'd never recover. 

So, Lila got nervous when someone on the Ladyblog commented a theory that Lila was working with Hawkmoth.

It wasn't a user that Lila knew, not one with any sort of reputation other than being a jokester, but there were too many details for it to be faked. 

Lila lied, saying that she was in love with Volpina, because Volpina was beautiful and have her everything she ever wanted. 

It was only a half lie. 

Camembert666 didn't believe her, and asked for proof.

Proof of love?

Lila had never been asked for proof for anything in her entire life. 

She immediately began drafting a fanfiction involving herself, Volpina and magical illusions. Storytelling was basically lying, which Lila excelled at. She could weave fantastical tales and make Everyone believe her.

Almost Everyone.

Lila had never been the most skilled at the syntax of writing, but she wasn't above asking for help.

And she knew exactly who to ask.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng, her worst enemy. It was a fun sort if revenge. Marinette would never want to read something like that about Lila, but she wouldn't refuse a hero. 

Marinette was too much of a goody-two-shoes, and she would still be able to offer some genuinely constructive advice.

It was infuriating how helpful she could be. 

Lila channeled her anger, calling out to Hawkmoth until he granted her powers. 

When Lila arrived at Marinette's house, she was sitting there on the balcony.

Perfect.

Lila approached slowly, like a Fox, hunting prey. She was planning to sneak up and scare Marinette-

Marinette turned her head. "Who do you think you are?"

"Me?" Lila placed a hand over her heart. "I'm just a superhero, doing my part to save the world."

Marinette's eyes narrowed. "I'm guessing there's an Akuma after me?"

"Yeah." Lila latched on to the idea. "Ladybug asked me to bring you some place safe."

"Ladybug asked you to do that?" She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Of course. I'm one of her closest friends."

"I thought you were replaced by Rena Rouge?"

"No." Lila chuckled, hiding her frustration. "I'm just a very busy person, Rena is a temporary replacement."

"She's shown up to more battles than you have." Marinette pointed out, like an annoying know-it-all.

"Do you want me to save you, or should we just sit here and wait for you to die?"

"Is that an option."

Lila chuckled. "I didn't know you were funny."

"Why are you here?"

"To save you-"

"No." Marinette shook her head. "Why are you really here?"

Lila took a breath. "I was wondering if you could proofread something for me?"

"Me?"

"It contains very secret information. I wouldn't want it to get in the wrong hands."

"I understand. Do you really trust me with it?"

Lila smirked, handing her the papers. Marinette was falling right into her trap. "Of course I do. You're friends with Lila, right?"

"We're classmates." 

"Great."

"Ehhh."

"Because, I'm in love with her." Lila explained. "Shes simply the most amazing, magnificent person I've ever met."

"Yeah, yeah." Marinette waved her hand. "Give me a minute to read."

"Of course."

After a couple minutes, Marinette sighed. "That was... certainly something."

"Did you like it? Do you think Lila will like it?"

"I did not like it, but I'm sure Lila will like it as much as you did." Marinette smiled sweetly. 

Almost a little too sweetly. Like she knew something...

Lila frowned. "What are you implying?"

Marinette rolled her eyes. "I didn't realize that everyone in our class is a narcissist."

"I'm not in your class, I'm a superhero."

"Cut the crap, Lila. We both know you aren't a superhero."

"I'm not Lila," she said, like a liar.

"You're not fooling me."

"I think you're confused."

"Lila, writing fanfiction about yourself is not a good way to hide the fact that you're actively working with Hawkmoth."

"I'd never do something like that."

"You admitted to it on page one.... Rila Lossi."

Lila frowned. "Okay, maybe I should make some adjustments-"

"Why are you doing this?"

"I thought it would be fun to make you read." 

"Fun? Are you behind all of this? Have you figured out all the heroes identities? Why haven't you just told Hawkmoth and defeated us?"

"Us?"

Marinette hesitated. "Well, I accidentally revealed that I was Multimouse, so she's not coming back."

"This has happened before?"

"It has."

"With the heroes? Do you know their identities?"

Marinette didn't reply.

Lila smirked. This trip had been more productive than she thought. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." She pulled her flute out of midair. "I can mess with your mind. Bring forth your worst fears-"

Marinette looked nonplussed. "Or we can do this my way."

Lila laughed. "You think you can defeat me? You're one girl. And we both know how clumsy you are. You're powerless against me. You don't even have a miraculous. Mwahahahah-"

Marinette punched Lila in the face and everything went black.

...

When Lila woke up, she was in her house.

She had no recollection of talking with Marinette, or even finishing her fic.

Somehow, Ladybug must've caught her and brought her home before deakumatizing her.

The only proof that anything had happened was that when she looked at her fic, it had been massively edited. 

It was a little weird that Ladybug would do that, but maybe she was secretly a fanfic writer. 

Lila couldn't judge. 

She sent the fic to Camembert666.

_Camembert666: I've decided to raise the stakes_

_Lilamazing: what are you talking about?_

_Camembert666: do what I want, or ill post our conversation, and your fic_

_Lilamazing: blackmail? You know what I can do. You should fear me_

_Camembert666: you have no idea who I am. You should fear me_

_Lilamazing: I fear nothing_

_Camembert666: I guess I'll just send this to everyone in your class_

_Lilamazing: what do you want?_

_Camembert666: well I'd like to defeat Hawkmoth, have any idea who he is?_

_Lilamazing: ...no_

_Camembert666: we both know that's a lie, but we can keep it to ourselves._

_Lilamazing: you have no idea what you're talking about_

_Camembert666: I have more than enough evidence to put you away, for life_

_Lilamazing: do it. I dare you_

_Camembert666: three wheels of Camembert._

_Lilamazing: what?_

_Camembert666: that's my price. If you give me four wheels of camembert a month, I'll keep your secret._

_Lilamazing: how do I know I can trust you_

_Camembert666: let's just say it's mutually beneficial. If you don't give me the cheese within two weeks, I'm telling everyone everything_

_Lilamazing: if you know everything, why don't you just tell ladybug?_

_Camembert666: she thought it was a joke. And this way, I get paid_

_Lilamazing: if they catch me, you're going down for bribery and blackmail_

_Camembert666: they can't arrest me. I'm not even human_

Lila would never admit how much that sentence scared her. She felt a shiver run down her spine, chilling her to the bone. 

_Lilamazing: the first shipment of cheese is scheduled to arrive in your box on Wednesday_

_Camembert666: perfect. Its been a purrleasure working with you_

_Lilamazing: was that a cat pun? Are you fucking Chat Noir?_

_Camembert666: it was a cheesy typo. I'm borrowing someone else's phone, so the autocorrect is funky._

_Camembert666: I'm not fucking Chat Noir, but I'm closer to that then you ever will be ;)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plagg is going to be in so much trouble when Adrien and Marinette discover the full extent of his crimes   
> (Identity theft, tax evasion, bribery, blackmail, fraud, etc)
> 
> Next up is Gabemoth and Natyura, not yet sure if that'll be one chapter or two...   
> After that, I've decided to keep it all in this fic,
> 
> There will be a chapter where Max forms a meeting to discuss the blackmail and tell Marinette everything they know (which, collectively, if Kim decides to speak up, is everything)
> 
> And there will be a chapter where Plagg has to pay the price for his crimes


	12. GabeMoth and Natyura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I've become the entire premise of this fic went from haha the heroes are embarrassing themselves and writing fanfiction about themselves to hide their identities to Plagg is a criminal mastermind, blackmailing everyone for cheese.
> 
> I think the turn its taken is funnier

Gabriel Agreste was no stranger to the Ladyblog. 

He frequently read its articles, which highlighted his mistakes. They were very constructive. 

He learned that all of Paris was afraid of him. That was a fun fact that he could use to his advantage.

Fear made some of the most powerful akumas... of course, he didn't want to make an akuma that would fight him. That would be extremely foolish.

He learned a lot of useful theories, like the fact that no one believed that Haworth could akumatize himself. There was also an interesting theory about Chat Noir's eyes, which were inhuman abominations, but perhaps that was part of hiding his identity.

By not appearing in Paris frequently, Gabriel Agreste did an adequate job of hiding his identity. No one suspected a thing.

He didn't even make a random commenter's list of Top Ten Parisians Most Likely to be Hawkmoth. (In order, Andre Bourgeois, Mr. Ramier, Principal Damocles, Andre the ice cream man, The Gorilla, Ivan Bruel, and four insignificant people that were not Gabriel).

Seriously, his identity was as well kept as the body of his dead wife in the basement. (Was that too dark? Probably, but its true).

So, Gabriel Agreste saw the theory that he was Hawkmoth and his son was Chat Noir and immediately panicked.

The post had a joking tone, but there were concerning elements of truth to it. Whoever had written the post, knew something.

He did something no self-respecting supervillian would do, akumatize himself and personally fight Ladybug and Chat Noir.

The post was deleted the next day. 

Two weeks later, from a different user, an updated theory was posted, that didn't involve his son at all. 

This theory proposed the idea that Gabriel Agreste was Hawkmoth and that Nathalie Sancour was Mayura.

Clearly, this user had done their research.

They highlighted harsh truths like that Agreste was a "very private man, who acted like he had a secret," and the fact that "ever since his wife died, Gabriel went through a serious mood shift." 

There was also the incredibly damning evidence of his excessive butterfly purchases. The user had gained personal security footage of Gabriel bringing butterfly cages into his office, where they disappeared.

 _At first, I assumed he was eating them, or had a secret butterfly farm in the basement,_ The user joked, _but he kept getting more, and I never saw them anywhere_

Having a secret butterfly farm in the basement wasn't that weird, but combined with his wife's body and his evildoing, it certainly wasn't something that Gabriel Agreste wanted anyone knowing about. 

Whoever the user was, it was either someone close, or someone with the ability to hack his security system. 

Either way, it was bad. 

So very bad.

If the world found out that he was Hawkmoth, Gabriel Agreste would go to prison for life, his wife would never be revived, his fashion empire would fall apart, (also, it would probably suck for Adrien, but he would have enough financial stability to be fine, and Gabriel had other worries). 

He called Nathalie into his office to discuss a strategy for avoiding rumours.

They decided that the best course of action would be to quietly message the user and ask them to take down the comment.

It was just a joke

_AgresteOfficial: I am politely requesting that you remove your post claiming that I am hawkmoth_

_Camembert666: so you are Hawkmoth_

_AgresteOfficial: of course not_

_Camembert666: then why does it matter_

_AgresteOfficial: why does it matter_

_AgresteOfficial: Why Does It Matter?????_

_AgresteOfficial: the absolute audacity_

_AgresteOfficial: it matters because the very idea will tarnish my reputation_

_AgresteOfficial: Tabloids will scream it for days_

_AgresteOfficial: my company will lose all value_

_AgresteOfficial: potential business partners will think I'm a crook_

_Camembert666: relax its a joke_

_AgresteOfficial: this is serious business_

_Camemebert666: what, are you like in love with Hawkmoth_

Gabriel was taken aback.

Without hesitating, he replied, as Nathalie sighed behind him

_AgresteOfficial: yes_

_Camembert666: wanna bet?_

_AgresteOfficial: he's really inspiring, when you think about it_

_Camembert666: uhh no?_

_AgresteOfficial: he would do anything for the one he loves. I admire that_

_Camembert666: being a terrorist isn't admirable_

_AgresteOfficial: I'd let him terrorize me_

Nathalie pushed him away from the computer.

"Sir, you're digging yourself into a hole. Stop this nonsense."

Gabriel Agreste shook his head. "I can't. I'm in too deep. He already knows."

Nathalie took control of the computer, as Gabriel sat on the floor, his head resting on his knees.

He looked truly pathetic.

_AgresteOfficial: this is Nathalie Sancour, and if you do not cease and desist I will send lawyers after you_

_Camembert666: its parody, a joke_

_Camembert666: you have nothing on me_

_Camembert666:/I have everything on you_

_AgresteOfficial: Gabriel Agreste is a hero, a fashion icon_

_AgresteOfficial: could he really be a villain_

_Camembert666: you tell me_

Nathalie sighed. Truly, it would be easier to dug herself deeper into the hole that Gabriel had dug.

_AgresteOfficial: I'll admit it. I'm in love with Mayura_

_Camembert666: prove it_

_AgresteOfficial: what_

_Camembert666: you've dug your grave, now lie in it_

_Cammebert666: if you send proof, like a love letter, from both of you, ill take down the post_

_AgresteOfficial: I'll report you to the Ladyblogger_

_Camembert666: I have the best theories, the Ladyblogger can't touch me_

_AgresteOfficial: I will get back to you._

Nathalie created a new document, and drafted the only logical solution, a fanfiction about herself and Mayura falling in love. It was short, and simple, but more expression than she had expressed in years. It got to the essence of who she was, and-

She picked Gabriel up off the floor and threw him in the chair. "Write. Now."

"What am I writing?"

"A love story between you and Hawkmoth."

"What? Nathalie, you're a genius. Hawkmoth would never write fan fiction about himself."

"Make it convincing." 

Nathalie herself Sat on the floor, placing her head in her knees. 

She had no idea what she did to end up in this situation, but truly, it did not make sense.

After a few minutes, Gabriel finished typing. "Is this good?"

"It better be." 

Nathalie skimmed it. "Because I know the truth, you come off as a complete narcissist, but its good enough."

"Good enough? It has to be perfect."

"You don't have a six pack. This is all lies."

"Okay, let's not take out any important details-"

Nathalie submitted the works to Camembert666.

_AgresteOfficial: is this enough proof_

_Camembert666: yes, but I've raised my price_

_AgresteOfficial: you can't_

_Camembert666: yes, I can._

_AgresteOfficial: this is blackmail_

_Camembert666: You can afford it_

_Camembert666: I want 7 wheels of camembert a week, every week for a year, delivered to my P.O box_

_AgresteOfficial: that's one per day_

_Camembert666: and?_

_AgresteOfficial: you can't possibly eat all of that_

_Camembert666: you'd be surprised_

_Camembert666: if you don't like it, I could always leak your fics to the world. I'm sure Adrien would find them... interesting_

_AgresteOfficial: no, no, we will send the cheese._

_Camembert666: I will take down the post when the first shipment arrives_

Gabriel Agreste may have been Hawkmoth, but he knew how to recognize a madman when he met one. He could talk to a criminal mastermind and tell how often they paid their taxes (in Camembert666's case, never). 

From the conversation, Gabriel knew that Camembert666 would stay true to their word. If he didn't pay up, he would pay.

Camembert666 was absolutely insane. Gabriel vowed to do whatever he could to stay on his good side.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next one are happening at the exact same time. Just so you're aware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Adrien why are you like this

Adrien had a lot to think about.

Plagg's cheese supply, which Adrien ordered weekly had more than doubled in size. It didnt make sense. 

Adrien ordered two wheels of cheese, under a fake name, and had them delivered to a specific P.O. box every Friday, and Adrien would (after donning a disguise) pick up the cheese and secure it in his fridge. It was more than enough cheese to get Plagg through the week. 

Recently, however, there had been more cheese than could fit in the P.O box. It went from 2 wheels to 4. Then 8. Then 12.

Adrien checked his back account, but he was only charged for two wheels each week. That was hard enough to explain. He just hoped Nathalie didn't look at his bank statements too closely. Unless Plagg was committing credit card fraud or somehow had his own bank account, it just didn't make sense.

Last time Adrien checked the box, he had to bring 22 wheels of Camembert home. He put them in his backpack, which caused it and all the hundreds of things inside to smell funky for a week. A whole week!

There was absolutely no reason whatsoever that Plagg needed such an excessive amount of cheese. He could eat three wheels a day for a week and still have one left over.

Plagg said it was probably a shipping error, and Adrien did some research. The company he had ordered it from was a big company, it very easily could've been a typo in the system. Going from 2 to 22 was just a mistake.

Adrien was going to call and tell them about the issue, but Plagg convinced him to let it slide. It was just a one time problem.

Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal, except for the fact that it kept happening. Adrien decided to give it another week, and if there was more than 2 wheels of cheese he would call the company.

Then, there was the other issue.

His father hated him, well not _him_ but Chat Hour who was actually Adrien but his father didn't know.

Surely, if Gabriel Agreste got to know Chat Noir he would approve. 

Chat Noir was a cool guy. The best guy. Gabriel Agreste had no reason to hate him. 

He was a literal superhero. Everyone loved him. 

The only person who had any reason to dislike Chat Noir was Hawkmoth.

Gabriel hadn't even met Plagg, who was aggravating enough to make anyone frustrated with Chat Noir. Adrien was constantly frustrated with Plagg. 

Sure, occasionally other people like Ladybug found him mildly annoying, but she was also dating him, so obviously he did something right.

As Adrien he was used to impressing adults, he was known for being mature for his age. Chat Noir was the exact opposite.

Maybe Gabriel was worried that Chat Noir would be a bad influence on Adrien? Encourage him to be dangerous?

Gabriel Agreste had no idea that Chat Noir was Adrien, otherwise he would've been more kind. He straight up dissed Chat Noir and forbid Adrien from dating him.

That was harsh.

A lightbulb in Adrien's brain clicked on.

There was only one logical explanation.

Without hesitation, he slammed open (actually he just politely pushed because he's not a heathen, but mentally he slammed) the doors to his father's study.

"Adrien. I am busy, with work-"

"I know why you hate Chat Noir." Adrien interrupted.

That got Gabriel to look up. "Oh. I supposed you're wondering why?"

"Of course I'm wondering why. I don't know how you could do this. Its dangerous."

"You know I loved your mother."

"Well, clearly not anymore." Adrien crossed his arms. "She wouldn't want this. Its not safe."

"Adrien, you don't understand. I have to do this."

"Father. No." Adrien frowned. "I love Chat Noir." Was it a lie? Yeah. Was it worth saying, just for the sheer shock factor? Also yeah.

"I thought you were dating Marinette."

"I am."

"Oh."

Adrien shook his head. "Next time you write a love letter, maybe don't create it on our shared family google drive."

"Our... what?"

"I know you're in love with Hawkmoth. That's not going to change the way I feel about Chat."

"You-" Gabriel chuckled. "You think I'm in love with Hawkmoth?"

"Obviously. That had so much real emotion."

"I wrote that so some internet troll would stop accusing me if being Hawkmoth."

"Did it work?" It was exactly what Adrien would've done. He was proud of his father, in a weird way.

"Obviously." Gabriel rolled his eyes. "But then he blackmailed me."

"Blackmailed you?"

There was suddenly a sharp tug from Adrien's pocket. Plagg wanted to get out. 

"Yeah." Gabriel continued. "From a user called Camembert666."

The tugging got more insistent.

"What did he want?" Adrien was genuinely curious.

"He threatened to out me as Hawkmoth if I didn't give him Camembert every week."

Adrien nodded. Plagg practically did the same thing to him, except instead of blackmail, it was giving him magical powers. "That's a fairly reasonable request. It could be worse."

...wait a minute.

Plagg kept tugging at his pocket.

Yeah, it was definitely Plagg who was blackmailing his father. Once they got back to Adrien's bedroom, he was going to have a serious conversation with his kwami about reasonable requests for cheese and the consequences of blackmail.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, son. I was worried you'd react negatively."

"Because you're being blackmailed? That's not your fault?" It was all Plagg.

"No, because I'm hawkmoth." Gabriel explained.

"Oh." Adrien frowned. "I'm guessing this means I can't date Chat Noir?" 

"I already forbid that. And you have a girlfriend."

"Right, Marinette." Adrien smiled, just thinking about her. 

"Yeah."

"Wait did you just say that you're hawkmoth-" It took Adrien a second to process the conversation they had been having. "Oh shit!" 

"Wait, son-"

Adrien was already out the door and halfway to Marinette's house, ready to tell her everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters but maybe three


	14. Chapter 14

Max organized the meeting after school.

It was in the library, and everyone he invited came. (He expected that they would, but of course he subtly threatened to reveal their identities to ensure attendance. Chloe came anyways, which was nice of her).

"I bet you're wondering why I gathered you here today." He started.

"Obviously. I have much more important things to do." Chloe scoffed.

Max looked at her. "Are you also a part of the cheese smuggling ring?"

"No?" 

"Were you blackmailed by user Camembert666?"

"Who?" Chloe raised an eyebrow. "This sounds like hero business."

He waved. "You're free to go. Actually, if any of you have no idea what I'm talking about, please leave."

Alix also left.

"Okay, so my hypothesis was correct." Max nodded. "I have reasons to believe that everyone here is a superhero-"

"Pshhh. Me? I'm the ladyblogger. I wouldn't have time," Alya lied.

"And I'm her boyfriend."

"Babe that was a terrible excuse."

"I'm working on it." Nino shrugged. "I uh. Dj. Busy."

Kagami crossed her arms. "You know too much."

Luka reached for his watch.

Max sighed. "Please don't make this more complicated than it has to be."

"What do you want?"

Alya stared. "Are you Camembert666?"

"No, I'm Pegasus."

"Who?"

"I helped Ladybug in space?" Max explained. "You all were there."

"Right, yeah should've been obvious."

"I've called this meeting so we can determine the identity of Camembert666. They know too much. We need to analyze if they're a threat and eliminate them."

"You want us to kill someone?" Nino took off his hat. "I'm out."

"Me as well."

"I am not killing anyone."

"No, I want us to silence them. Once we get all the info, we will present to to Ladybug and Chat Noir." Max explained. "We aren't killing anyone. Yet. Hopefully."

"Who wants to talk first?"

Max looked around the table. "You've been awfully quiet, Kim. Have anything to share?"

"Okay, so hypothetically, let's say my friend knows who Camembert666 is."

Everyone stared. "Kim, what do you know."

"Nothing, nothing." He raised his hands. "Just, hypothetically, it's someone who needs our help. He needs that cheese to survive."

"Kim, no one needs 12 wheels of cheese a week. I did some math, assuming that we all contributed two wheels. And that's just with us. He could be blackmailing Ladybug and Chat Noir as well."

Kim frowned. "I just don't want to get the little guy in trouble. He really does feel bad, but he has no other choice?"

"Kim," Alya spoke slowly, "tell us before we all go broke from buying that expensive ass cheese?"

"Fine." He sighed. "Just don't kill him. I don't think you can."

"Don't test me."

Kim winced. "It's Plagg."

"Who?"

"That's not a name."

"Chat Noir's kwami. He needs the cheese to refuel. He told me not to tell anyone, especially Marinette."

"Oh we are definitely going to tell Marinette right now." Alya stood up. 

"Yeah, we can't keep doing this." Nino followed.

"Please, guys, he needs this."

"Kim, you sound like a fool. He's using you." Max shook his head. 

Kagami and Luka stood up too. 

"I trust him. He's just a little cat-"

"Who needs a shit ton of cheese?" Alya shook her head. "Yeah, right. We're telling Marinette, then Ladybug and Chat."

"Fine." Kim crossed his arms. "If you guys all think its a scam, ill go with you."

...

Marinette nodded. "Oh yeah, that's definitely a scam. Plagg is such a little shit-"

Right on cue, Adrien Agreste crashed through her window, shattering the glass. 

"Excuse me," Marinette glared at him. "I have a balcony."

"Sorry." He was breathing heavily. "Emergency. I. Had. To. Run."

The rest of the heroes stared at Adrien. 

"Why? Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" Marinette frowned. "Is there an Akuma?"

"Not. Yet." Adrien shook his head. "Plagg is blackmailing my father, making him pay in cheese."

"Oh, great." Marientte rolled her eyes. "Get in line. We're writing down a list of how much Plagg owes everyone."

Adrien looked up. "Plagg was blackmailing all of them?"

"Yeah. Maybe more."

"Whoa." Adrien got in the back of line, behind Kagami. "You too?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

After like thirty seconds, Plagg zoomed out of Adrien's pocket. "Forget the fucking line, Adrien's dad is hawkmoth."

"Language!" Tikki gasped.

Everyone stared. 

"Oh. Haha." Marinette smiled. "So, I'm actually Ladybug."

"Are you all dumb?" Plagg groaned.

"Right." Marinette shook her head. "Adrien, is that true?"

"Yeah, but I was waiting in the line for my turn."

"Why didn't you start with that? Its most important."

"Oh. Right. Can I start over?"

"I guess."

"Cool." Adrien climbed up Marinette's ladder, to the balcony. 

Seconds later, he slammed through her other window. 

"My father is Hawkmoth!"

"Now, that's an entrance." Marinette kissed him.

"Uhh guys." Alya stepped out of the line. "Shouldnt we do something about that?"

"The window?" Marinette shrugged. "I can duct tape it."

"I meant, the fact that his father is hawkmoth. Lets fight him."

Adrien nodded. "Good plan. Squad, suit up."

Marinette face palmed. "We need a better name than squad, but the point stands. Let's go."


	15. Chapter 15

Hawkmoth went down without a fight.

It was like he had just given up.

The heroes arrived, ready for the fight of their lives, and he was just sitting quietly at his desk. He was typing something on his computer, and barely glanced up when the heroes came in.

"I've had an epiphany. I was wrong." Gabriel continued furiously typing. "I am giving up the miraculous and all magical endeavors."

The miraculous sat in a box on the corner of the desk.

Slowly, hesitantly, Ladybug stepped forwards and grabbed it. "That's it? You're just....giving up?"

"I'm not a fool." Gabriel sighed. "As soon as Adrien ran away, I knew I would have to surrender. He's too much of a goody-two shoes to keep a secret like that."

Chat Noir frowned, turning to Carapace. "I don't know whether to feel offended or proud that my dad thinks I'm too good to keep a secret."

"Definitely offended." Carapace whispered back.

Gabriel continued talking. "Am I correct in assuming that he is safe? He did seem to be in quite a hurry to leave."

"I assure you," Ladybug clenched her fists, "he is in good hands."

"Is he with the Bourgeois? I suppose their hotel would be an adequate temporary lodging, while he works through this little rebellion."

"Chloe?" Carapace chuckled. "You think we would-"

Chat Noir placed a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down. Honestly, Chloe would be the most logical choice, she has plenty of extra room. I don't want to he a bother."

"Dude, you're not a bother. You can sleep in the guest room at our house for as long as you need." 

"Thanks bro, but I-"

Gabriel Agreste looked between Ladybug and Chat Noir. "Is he ... homeless?"

"Adrien? Nah, he's welcome to stay with his friend Nino." Carapace assured Gabriel Agreste.

Gabriel Agreste shook his head. "I figured as much. I was actually asking about Chat Noir, does he have a place to stay?"

Ladybug shrugged. "At this point, I don't really know."

"I just don't want to be a bother." Chat repeated.

"You aren't a bother." Rena agreed. "My house is pretty busy, but we have an empty couch, if you need."

Ryuko shrugged. "You know my mother. As long as you're quiet, she won't even notice you're there."

"While that's very touching, I am absolutely terrified of your mother."

"Your dad is a supervillian."

"Touché."

Viperion was the next to speak up. "Chat, you're always welcome to join our crew. You might have to swab the deck, but-"

Pegasus interjected with, "it might be nice to have someone else around, to study."

"To study with?" Chat asked.

"No, to study. I'm researching people."

King Monkey was the last to offer a bed. "Chat, I know we aren't best friends, but if you need somewhere to stay, or even just support with feeding your Kwami, there's an extra bed in my house, and fridge stocked with Camembert."

"Help feeding Plagg? Theres enough cheese in my room right now to last him months, what are you talking about?"

"He told me he was very hungry, and you couldn't afford cheese?"

Pegasus frowned. "I'm not certain that's a lie, because Chat Noir has the most financial stability out of all of us."

"Wait a minute, your Kwami is responsible for the cheese scams?" Gabriel Agreste crossed his arms. 

Chat Noir stepped forwards. "Unfortunately yes. I will try to return as much cheese as I can to it's proper buyers-"

"That stuff is gross."

"I would only keep it to do some scientific experiments with."

"I don't want the cheese back." 

King Monkey pinched his nose. "The only person I know who likes that stuff is Alix, only them."

Chat Noir nodded. "After some research I have decided to keep the cheese for my Kwami."

Gabriel Agreste glared. "Your kwami owes me over a thousand dollars in cheese. If you do not offer compensation, I will be forced to take legal action."

Chat rolled his eyes, "Well you've given me 18 years of life that I never asked for, maybe I should take some legal action."

Ladybug stood in between the two of them. "Stop fighting. That is not the current issue."

Gabriel chose to speak again. "Is the current issue Chat Noir's homelessness? If you can keep all of this quiet, I could provide a handsome apartment-"

"I have a house, I've been living in Adrien's room." Chat Noir frowned. "Unless you're kicking me out."

"You've been what? Where?" Gabriel placed a hand on his heart. "He has a girlfriend."

"Yeah."

"Chat, shut up. After all of this, you can come live with me." Ladybug smiled. "We can play videogames every night."

"Really?" 

"Of course."

Gabriel glared at Chat Noir. "You have been sleeping with my son. As his father, I have a right to fight you."

Chat Noir snorted. "First of all, bold of you to assume I've slept with anyone. Second of all, I am your son, so that would be-"

Gabriel gasped. "Felix?"

"No, I'm Adrien. Felix isn't even your son."

"Adrien!?!!" Gabriel Agreste blinked. "I almost killed my favorite son."

"Only son."

"Actually, your cousin Felix is genetically my son." Gabriel frowned. "His father, your uncle is incapable of having children."

"...so he's my brother?"

"I guess?"

"As touching as this weird Agreste family secret talk has been, and I definitely want to hear all of these secrets if I'm going to marry Adrien-"

"Ladybug you cannot marry my son. He has a girlfriend."

"You can't control what I do, dad." Chat Noir got down on one knee and pulled off his miraculous ring. "Ladybug, will you make me the happiest man alive and-"

"Not yet." She smiled. "This is kinda a bad time."

"What about Marinette? I thought you loved her."

"I do."

"Adrien I was just rewriting my will so that she gains control of the company. You cannot throw your relationship away for Ladybug."

Adrien stood up. "I'm not throwing anything away here. Also, you don't even know Marinette why are you giving her the company."

"Yeah, that's weird. It should go to Adrien." Ladybug agreed.

The rest of the heroes were just standing awkwardly in the background. 

"Ladybug, you cannot have input on private family matters."

"Ladybug is more like family than you are." Adrien have her a hug.

"Ouch." Gabriel winced. "You are definitely not getting anything from my will."

"I don't want anything."

"We need to focus on the current issue."

"I agree." Gabriel Agreste nodded. "Adrien, your kwami owes me a great deal of cheese. If you do not make reparations, I will take legal action."

Adrien rolled his eyes. "Maybe I will take legal action, dad."

Ladybug glared at Gabriel Agretee. "The current issue is you."

"Of course, I've already drafted a formal apology, I can submit anonymously to the Ladyblog."

"You're submitting an apology?"

"You terrorized Paris for five years, an apology isn't going to cut it."

Gabriel sighed. "Perhaps you're right. I am terribly sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

The heroes all shared a look. Adrien transformed into Chat Noir.

Ladybug frowned. "You are aware that you're going to prison, right? For a long time?"

"I'm rich enough to get a good lawyer. Besides, Paris has no laws about magic. They have nothing on me." Gabriel smirked. "I've done my research."

"Assault, battery, negligence, trespassing, child endangerment, cruel and unusual punishment, psychological torture," Rena read off her phone....

"What is that?" Gabriel looked deeply unsettled.

"Just some of your many crimes. " she winked. "I did my research."

"And," Adrien added helpfully, "that doesn't even begin to cover the laws you've broken in day to day life, like tax evasion, identity fraud, running a pyramid scheme-"

"I never ran a pyramid scheme."

"What about that time you made that dress that looked like a triangle?" Adrien laughed. "Ha."

"I-"

Ladybug patted Chat's head. "You're the smartest person I know, but also, pyramid scheme does not mean what you think it does."

"You don't have any evidence."

"You have security cameras in every room of your house, including your office. We have witness testimony from Adrien as well as several of your employees." Chat Noir folded his arms. "You're the one that is unprepared."

"I'm giving you the miraculous. We're done." 

Ladybug put handcuffs on Gabriel's wrists. "You're not done till justice had been served."

"Justice? The children's fashion company? I'd never serve that glitter infested chaos market." A single tear fell down Gabriel's face. "I am an innovator. I create high fashion only and-"

"Shut up." Ladybug sighed. "You're making me want to give up on my dreams."

"You want to be a fashion designer?" Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure I could help you out-"

"...and that's bribery." Rena checked a box on her phone. "Bingo."

"C'mon squad. We're taking him into the station."

"And Mayura?"

"Shes willing to testify for a reduced sentence."

"Fuck."

There was no fight. No epic battle. The superhero suits hadn't even been necessary.

And Chloe was going to be pissed when she found out that they took down Hawkmoth without her.

That was a problem for a different story.

Hawkmoth was dealt with, locked up for good. 

The only problem left was Plagg. 

Plagg, who, by all accounts was a thief and a liar. He committed identity fraud, blackmail, and tax fraud. 

As soon as they got home from arresting Hawkmoth, Marionette and Adrien fell asleep.

But they planned on having a very stern talk with Plagg first thing in the morning.

"Marinette, wake up, it's time for school-" 

"I'm awake... I'm awake."

"Why is there a boy in your room?"

"Hello ma'am." Adrien rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I couldn't stay at home, and Marinette said you would allow any friend to stay over."

"Of course sweetie, any friend in need is welcome in our home."

"Thats a relief-"

"But you are also her boyfriend, and you will not be allowed to sleep in the same bed as her."

"But mom, he had nightmares-"

"Understood." Adrien nodded. "Is that all?"

"Yes. Go get some breakfast and have a good morning. I need to speak with Marinette alone."

"Mom-"

"What is Adrien Agreste doing in your room?" Sabine folded her arms. "And don't try to tell me that his hamster died."

Okay, maybe the talk with Plagg would be second thing that morning.

After Marinette figured out how to tell her parents that she was Ladybug.

Maybe Plagg wasn't the unlucky one after all.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so, I had no idea it had been so long. I meant to update this months ago.

Marinette yawned. "You're right mom, we do need to talk. and-" she stretched her arms. "-you'll probably want to sit down for this one."

Sabine blinked. "Did you and Adrien-"

"What? No. Gross." Marinette frowned. "This has nothing to do with my sex life. Or lack therof."

"Its perfectly normal at your age to-"

"I'm 16 mom." 

"I just want to make sure that you two are being safe."

"Well, in that regard, yes we are being safe. Because all we've done is kiss." Marinette's cheeks were burning. "But now that I'm thoroughly embarrassed, can we please talk about-"

"Safety is important." Sabine smiled. "You wouldn't want there to he any accidents."

"The only accidents I cause are falling down the stairs."

"Well, that's a relief."

"Also, I'm kind of Ladybug." Marinette interrupted.

Sabine gasped. "Does Adrien know?"

"Does Adrien know? Of course he knows, he's my partner."

"Wait, I'm confused. Can you repeat the first thing you said?"

"I said," Marinette enunciated slowly, "I'm Ladybug. And Adrien is Chat Noir. And actually a bunch of our friends are the other heroes, but that's not important right now."

"Thank you for telling me."

"You're not.. surprised?"

"Marinette, first of all, you're a terrible liar. You told me that your hamster died like three times last week."

"Why is that the lie people are so focused on."

"Because you don't have a hamster?"

Marinette sighed. "Fair enough."

"Also, did you really think I wouldn't recognize my own daughter behind a mask? I know your face. Your dark eyes and blue hair are recognizable from miles away."

"I thought this was going to be like a big surprise and-"

"I'm sorry that I figured it out."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to stress you out anymore. I wanted to wait until you told me."

"Huh. Does Dad no?"

"No, I don't think he does. I suggested that you might be ladybug, once, when you were running late, and he laughed."

"Ouch." Marinette sighed. "So, I guess we should have a family meeting to discuss this?"

"If that's what you want to do."

"I do." Marinette nodded. "I'm tired of keeping secrets from you two."

"I'm glad, but can I ask, what changed?"

"What?"

"Why did you suddenly decide to stop keeping secrets?"

"On. We defeated Hawkmoth." Marinette shrugged, like it was no big deal. "Without the constant threat of akuma, revealing my identity doesn't put you in any more danger."

"You defeated Hawkmoth?"

"I'll explain when we talk with Dad."

...

Tom lifted his head up, from where it had been resting on the table. "So, let me get this straight. You-" he pointed at Marinette, "-are Ladybug, and you-" He pointed at Adrien, "-are Chat Noir, and you two have been fighting the akuma all along."

"Yep."

"And," Adrien added helpfully, "we defeated Hawkmoth."

"You're children." Tom buried his face in his hands. "Sabine, they're just children."

"I know, I know." Sabine patted his head.

"But they've done so much for the community."

"I'm right here, Dad."

Sabine sighed. "You two run along. I'm sure that there's a lot of talking that you want to do in private."

"Thanks mom." Marinette grabbed Adrien's hand. "It's been a long two days, and we have a lot to talk about. Last night we just crashed as soon as we got here."

...

"I, for one," Adrien smiled, "think that conversation went well."

"So did I. I was worried that Mom would freak out, but she actually already knew I was Ladybug. Somehow. So she was cool with it."

"Your dad scares me."

"Dad's just a big softy. Honestly I thought he would cry more." Marinette shrugged. "Now, how about you, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly, better than expected. My dad is in jail and my mom is- gone, but I have you. And your parents have been very welcoming and inviting, and they gave me croissants. Marinette, I love your family."

"I'm glad. And you're welcome to stay as long as you want."

"I'd like to stay forever."

"I'm sure we can arrange for something like that to happen." Marinette booped his nose. 

"You and me, happily ever after." Adrien kissed her cheek.

"I like the sound of that." Marinette turned her face and kissed Adrien on the lips. "Happily ever after."

And it was happy.

Until Adrien frowned. "Hey, speaking of yesterday, what was going on when I arrived?"

"What do you mean?"

"There was a whole line of people in your room? It seemed pretty important?" 

"Line of people?" Marinette shrugged. "I honestly can't remember what happened. I think they were complaining about something, but I forgot what it was."

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah, I don't think it was a big deal."

"Certainly not thousands of dollars in cheese, fraud, and blackmail." Tikki coughed from the corner of the room.

"What was that?" Marinette looked at her kwami. "Did you say something?"

Tikki made eye contact with Plagg. He glared. She smirked. He flew over, and they whispered back and forth a bit. 

Finally, Tikki smiled at Marinette. "No, I didn't say anything, just that Plagg is the best partner in the world."

Plagg smiled. "Tikki, have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Only when you want something from me."

"Your silence. I'll pay you in cheese."

"I don't require payment. Inevitably they're going to remember."

"A lot happened yesterday. Do you really think that they care about a few thousand dollars worth of cheese?"

"I think, its going to be really funny," Tikki replied, "when you face justice for your crimes against humanity."

"If that happens."

Adrien's phone beeped. 

He read it, before turning to stare at his kwami. "Why does this say that I have an entire storage locker of camembert that needs to be picked up?"

"Shoot." Plagg frowned. "We forgot to swing by and pickup cheese yesterday."

"Plagg, I've ordered 7 wheels a week. They have nearly 100 that have arrived in the last two days."

"Must be some sort of counting error." Plagg shrugged. 

"Weird." Adrien turned to Marinette. "Want to come with me to pick up an insane amount of cheese?"

"Cheese?"

"Cheese." He confirmed.

"Cheese." Marinette frowned. "Cheese... Cheese?"

"Cheese?"

"Cheese."

Adrien raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to explain why you keep saying cheese, or is it the only word you can say?"

"Cheese." 

"What?"

"I remembered why all of those people were in my room."

"You do?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Cheese."

"They wanted cheese?" Adrien asked. 

"No. They wanted to press charges against Plagg."

"How did you get that from cheese? Also, what charges?"

"Blackmail, bribery, fraud, theft, defamation, and emotional distress."

"That doesn't sound like Plagg at all."

"He blackmailed them into buying him cheese."

"Oh." Adrien sighed, "yeah, that sounds like Plagg."

"I know. I had a whole list of complaints, let me find it.."

"Plagg?" Adrien whirled around. "Did you blackmail all of my friends into buying you an endless cheese supply?"

Plagg, conveniently, had disappeared. 

"Technically," Tikki added, "he also blackmailed your enemies, if that makes it any better."

Adrien blinked. "I think somehow, that makes it worse."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheese is acquired, crimes are amended, a long crack fic is finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to finish this months ago, but hey here we are let's go final chapter

Adrien and Marinette took a trip to the P.O box to collect the cheese, which they couldn't entirely carry on their own. In fact, to transport it all, Marinette transformed into Ladybug and put 95 wheels of cheese into her yo-yo. 

(The fact that her yo-yo could hold almost 100 wheels of cheese completely defied the laws of the known universe, but that was besides the point.)

The two of them brought all of the cheese to Marinette's house to count. 

And, it was a lot. 

As Marinette filled her family's fridge, and the bakery fridge with wheels of cheese, Adrien began to craft a spreadsheet. 

Thanks to Plagg's login information being saved to Adrien's laptop, be was able to go through deleted conversations and figure out when everyone was contacted, and how much cheese they were blackmailed for. It was a simple case of multiplying the number of wheels by the number of weeks, multiplied by the average cost of a wheel of camembert per person.

He was able to calculate how much Plagg owed each person.

Needless to say, Plagg was massively in debt. Like substantially. 

(Not like college-graduate level of debt, but still. Plagg owed serious cash).

The first thing that Adrien did was write off Gabriel and Nathalie's contributions as Charitable Donations. It didn't make up for the fact that they had been supervillians, but they weren't going to be repaid. They didn't deserve it. 

Was it pretty? Absolutely, but Adrien was scarred after seeing his father's self-fanfic, so several thousand dollars of cheese was a small price to pay. (And that didn't even begin to count the trauma from the whole his father was hawkmoth deal. Yikes. We don't have time to unpack that though).

Then Adrien contacted everyone else, and asked if they preferred to be refunded in cheese or money. 

No one wanted the cheese.

And Marinette was running out of places to store the cheese.

After filling every fridge in her home, and feeding Plagg 10 wheels, they were left with about a dozen wheels. 

A dozen wheels of cheese. 

Camenbert cheese.

That no one (except the immortal God of destruction) wanted to eat. No one that is, except for one bunny-themed hero who conveniently appeared in Marinette's room. 

"Boo-"

"Ah!" Adrien jumped.

"Hahah." Bunnyx wiped tears from their eyes, "it never gets old."

"Let me guess." Marinette frowned. "You're here because Plagg never repaid you?"

"Me? I'm not even on that list."

"You aren't?"

"Nope." 

"But you-"

"That was for fun."

Adrien scrolled through his official list. "Nope, no mention of Bunnyx or Alix."

"So," Marinette's eyes narrowed. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here, to take that cheese off of your hands."

Plagg hissed from the corner where he was napping. 

Adrien gave Plagg a look. "You have enough cheese to last you months, and I know you just ate enough to make yourself sick. Bunnyx can take as much of this as she wants."

"Please." Marinette practically threw some cheese at Bunnyx. "There's not even room in the fridge for real food."

"Cheese is real food." Plagg mumbled, but no one listened to him. 

Bunnyx grabbed as much as their arms could hold. "My fridge can fit about 5 of these."

"But... you just grabbed seven?" Marinette asked. 

"Yeah." Bunnyx started unwrapping one. "This one is for the road, and this one-" they gestured to the wheel on the top of her pile, "needs to go back about a week. Bye."

"Bye?"

When they disappeared, Adrien blinked. "Is every interaction with Bunnyx that confusing?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Marinette shrugged.

"So, what do we do with the rest of the cheese-" before Plagg could chime in, Adrien kept speaking, "-no Plagg, you have more than enough."

"Well, I guess we could give it to Alix."

"Alix?"

"Yeah, they seem to like it."

"That seems like the best solution." 

Weirdly enough, when Adrien and Marinette arrived at Alix's house, with the remaining six wheels, they were ready. Their fridge was empty, and-

"I've been expecting you. Come inside." Alix led Adrinette to their room. "The cheese can go there, thank you."

"I mean, really, thank you-"

"You're welcome." Marinette elbowed Adrien. "Just roll with it."

Only five wheels fit in Alix's fridge, but they assured Marinette and Adrien that that wasn't a problem. 

As Marinette and Adrien left, Alix ate an entire wheel of cheese. In one go. With no hesitation or water break. 

It was so chaotic.

Adrien could practically feel Plagg salivating from his pocket. 

When all of the cheese was finally stored and or relocated, it was time to deal with the elephant in the room, Plagg's debt. 

Adrien repaid his friends for the cost of the cheese.

It was the easiest solution. -It wasn't like Plagg had invested in the stock market years ago, was addicted to online gambling because he gave all of his opponents bad luck, blackmailed several celebrities into paying him in an offshore account and possessed his own bank account and income to repay them with-and once Adrien's father went to prison and Adrien was given ownership of the family fortune, Adrien had more than enough to repay his friends. 

But that did not make up for Plagg's crimes.

In retribution, Plagg was sentenced to community service, but since he was a magical being, and couldn't do public community service, without causing panic, because apparently he looked like a demon, it consisted of cleaning out Gabriel Agreste's office and various lairs. 

in time, Plagg made up for his various crimes, and apologized to each on of his victims individually. He even wrote an apology song for Luka.

But honestly, he did it and he'd do it again. 

He even got to keep most of the cheese. 

In Plagg's book, it was a win. 

....

And if Plagg was still receiving secret weekly cheese payments from one Lila Rossi? 

Well, no one else needed to know that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. I don't know how you got this far. This fic was a rollercoaster from beginning to end, when I was writing chapter one this is not how I pictured it ending.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, do you read/write/art for this fandom? Check out the [ miraculous fanworks ](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) discord server.


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